Aristocrats have heirs; the poor have children; the rest keep dogs. — Spike Milligan Copy Share Image
Stevie Wonder always smells so good... I'm like a DEA dog, I can smell people a block away! — Gloria Estefan Copy Share Image
The best feeling is watching a real football game, because the games they show in the movies aren't real. — John Madden Copy Share Image
Does anyone actually know what to do when people are singing happy birthday to you? — Celeste Hartman Copy Share Image
There are people in life you could never get tired of hitting with a shovel. — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
“Is it just me, or do you also think this is unnatural behavior in a female parent? Isn't there a federal law… — A.E. Cannon Copy Share Image
Laughing, how can you fall asleep? It brings a state of no-mind and no-thought, and does not allow you to fall asleep. — Rajneesh Copy Share Image
I like it when you buy something and pay with a credit card, they put your credit card on the receipt, but… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
“So Jason, in England, do you eat these ‘Farmer burgers?’” Wong Tong asked. “Farmer burgers? I don’t know what they are?” “Maybe… — Mark A. Cooper Copy Share Image
You know you have a drinking problem when the bartender knows your name -- and you've never been to that bar before. — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
Before a clock was in the tower, Or e'er a watch was worn; I knew of night the passing hour, And prophesied… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When I got the phone call that I was going to be on 'Drag Race' I thought I was going to win.… — Bob the Drag Queen Copy Share Image
Scamming not only be browsing but everybody has it own section: Pastor scam through preaching and politicians scam through electoion — Aduba Copy Share Image
