“Never take life too seriously, you're never getting out of it alive.” — John Chaplin Copy Share Image
A photographic portrait is a picture of someone who knows he is being photographed — Richard Avedon Copy Share Image
When someone describes themself as a taxpayer, they're about to be an asshole. — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
“Like some huge, mutant chicken–I sat there hatching a gas-egg the size of a planet.” — Ferguson Fartworthy Copy Share Image
That awkward little dance your thumbs do when you don't know how to reply to someones text — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting. — Ronald Reagan Copy Share Image
“Lash had been explaining to her that it's impolite to refer to an African American as a nigga, unless one was another… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
Sometimes I even feel funny to say I'm in a biracial marriage because people are like, 'Oh, he's Asian?' The subtext is,… — Diane Farr Copy Share Image
If there were no schools to take the children away from home part of the time, the insane asylums would be filled… — E. W. Howe Copy Share Image
When you wake up one day and say, "You know what? I don't think I ever need to sleep or have sex… — Ray Romano Copy Share Image
“Archbishop: "God is with us!" William the Great : "Bishop, if God is with us, then he is not with them, congratulations!… — Arash Pakravesh Copy Share Image
“It’s a training camp,” Leo realized. He looked at Aphros in awe. “You train heroes, the same way Chiron does?” Aphros nodded,… — Rick Riordan Copy Share Image
Things shall fall into its perfect place, in the perfect time, at a perfect setting that you will always be able to… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I rushed my dog to the vet because he was foaming at the mouth. I returned home with a bill for $200… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
