Funny Quotes · Page 345

I wear my clothes, my clothes don't wear me.

— Cher

I love my six pack that I protect it with fat.

— Anonymous

Friends come and go, but enemies remain and build up

— Hussein Nishah

The loss of one's dignified bearing is often sudden.

— Jerry Van Amerongen

That's too coincidental to be a coincidence.

— Yogi Berra

I love pretending I have the courage to quit my job.

— Anonymous

“I Take Life Very Seriously: One Joke At A Time.”

— Sandra Chami Kassis

What is bad? All that proceeds from weakness

— Friedrich Nietzsche

What's the WiFi password here? is the new Finally I decided to visit you

— Nikhil Saluja

That awkward moment when you remember something funny, and cant stop smiling like an idiot.

— EwshyCrazyness

Because you cannot see outside of you what you fail to see inside.

— Anthony de Mello

I've never known a musician who regretted being one. Music itself is not going to let you down.

— Virgil Thomson

The problem with loving is that pets don't last long enough and people last too long.

— Anonymous

The universe will start to rearrange itself to make it happen for you.

— Joe Vitale

Coffee doesn't need a menu, it needs a cup. That's all it needs! Maybe a saucer underneath the cup — that's it.

— Denis Leary

“...which, of course, is how I developed my love for both Kabuki theater and marshmallow Peeps.”

— Jimmy Gownley

I think what's hysterically funny is a guy who sets himself up as the most confident, everything's-perfect, know-it-all, things-are-swell human being and…

— Bob Einstein

Bunty is a piglet that comes up with a lot of funny antics. Dancing is among its strengths and I'm glad people…

— Ravi Babu

Things can be funny when people are uneasy. It softens them up and stops them falling asleep on the sofa. I like…

— Mark Haddon

It's funny: not too many people used to think that Brittany was a culinary treasure, but there's such amazing stuff. Beef and…

— Dominique Crenn

Sometimes I get super lazy.. its same like normal lazy..its just that I am wearing a cape and a bright underwear.

— Asif

None of us kids had a middle name. We were lucky we had any name at all. By the time my mother…

— George Burns

“If you mean the ease with which you drop coins when you're off a-cunting, you're right. You're a one-man charity ball for…

— Scott Lynch

“Weetzie could see him--it was a man, a little man in a turban, with a jewel in his nose, harem pants, and…

— Francesca Lia Block

Face your problems, don't facebook them.

— Nataly

I'm afraid, I just blue myself.

— Nikhil Saluja

The best camera, is the one that you have with you!

— Chase Jarvis

Lol .. I liked his expression.. :P

— Vishnu

We know others to the extent that we know ourselves.

— Robert Fripp

What's an opera if everyone is dead in it?

— Hugh Griffith

How you start your day is how you live your day.

— Kristine Carlson

Most things good for writing are bad for life.

— Lorrie Moore

Women like not only to conquer, but to be conquered.

— William Makepeace Thackeray

God did not die; he was transformed into money

— Giorgio Agamben

The only limit is the one you set yourself.

— Felix Baumgartner

We must go and see for ourselves.

— Jacques Yves Cousteau

Proclaim the Word more and argue about it less.

— William Cameron Townsend

Maryjane will make spiderman loose some of his webs.

— Redley

If you got ears, you gotta listen.

— Don Van Vliet

I do take stress medicine...it's called BEER!

— Green Monk