Funny Quotes · Page 310

If the enemy is in range, so are you.

— Infantry Journal

You the one in all, say who I am. Say I am you.

— Rumi

I can remember when safe sex meant a padded headboard.

— Bob Monkhouse

You can learn a lot, watching things eat.

— Frank Costello

The thing I fear comes upon me

— Eric Butterworth

When in doubt, look it up on Google.

— Celeste Hartman

Leadership is obliged to justify itself daily.

— Isabel Paterson

If you want a Romeo start acting like a Juliet.

— Nikhil Saluja

The Gospel is not about going from bad to good, it's about going from dead to alive!

— Louie Giglio

Question- how can you make god laugh??? Answer- tell him about your future plans.

— Anonymous

Learning is but an adjunct to ourself, And where we are our learning likewise is.

— William Shakespeare

I was thinking of becoming a doctor. I have the handwriting for it.

— Green Monk

That awkward moment when you're all excited about openinga present, and when you open it,it sucks

— Anonymous

You shall abstain, shall abstain. That is the eternal song.

— Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

If you want your children to listen, try talking softly - to someone else.

— Ann Landers

“I pretend he doesn’t exist, and he does the same with me.”

— Ida Løkås

People of my generation in Portugal fell into the magic potion of political ideas. What was very funny about this revolution was…

— Maria de Medeiros

“He's wearing my favourite shirt – otherwise known as The Sexiest Shirt Known to Man, an item of clothing that emphasises every…

— Jane Costello

“Don't you even watch gay porn?" It was Ryan's turn to blush. "Not really. Sometimes. Not very often, though." "Why not?" He…

— Anna Martin

“Rayna found a makeover show on TV-one of those where they sneak up on unsuspecting people going about their business, accost them…

— Hilary Duff

I am worth loving. I do not have to earn love. I am lovable because I exist. Others reflect the love I…

— Louise Hay

I get asked, 'Who would you really like to work with?' I'm already working with them. Smart, talented, funny people, good musicians,…

— Christopher Guest

Everyone, My hair is better then fucking anyones! My hair is the reason we started the band, cause I couldnt sing, and…

— Oliver Sykes

-Boys that have bad breath. Boys that smell like BO. Boys that write on thier arms/clothes.Boys that smoke. Boys that thinkits cool…

— Anonymous

See the truth, and you will see me.

— Gautama Buddha

If Monday was a person, it'd be a Ginger...

— Anonymous

Everything that happens, happens of necessity.

— Arthur Schopenhauer

She lived in fear of ifonic endings.

— Anne Lamott

It's amazing how stupid you can be when you're in love.

— Anonymous

When u ar nt right try left.

— Rashid Ahmed Bin Said

But I'm gon' get mine more than I get got.

— Marshawn Lynch

CUI BONO? [Latin] What good would that do "me"?

— Ambrose Bierce

Asia: Four little letters, three billion little people.

— Stephen Colbert

I am romantic about the NHS. I love it.

— Donald Berwick

If you want a princess, you must first become a prince.

— Ritu Ghatourey

Plan your work - work your plan

— B. C. Forbes

Oh my God — I'm turning into my mother!

— Sarah

You belong somewhere you feel free.

— Tom Petty

We're all pretty individualistic.

— Stewart Udall

By writing, you learn to write.

— Samuel Johnson