You were born at home, but when your mother saw you she went to the hospital. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Ultimately, you just have one life. You never know unless you try. And you never get anywhere unless you ask. — Kate Winslet Copy Share Image
Do you think pandas know they're Chinese and they're taking the one child policy a bit too seriously? — Jim Jefferies Copy Share Image
“Much of the Kama Sutra is like origami; I don’t quite understand all the bending that needs to happen.” — Erica Goros Copy Share Image
Comedy wasn't something I chose - it chose me. I was just inherently funny when I was a kid. — Pauly Shore Copy Share Image
I was the little, funny one. I felt I was the child among grown women. — Julie Walters Copy Share Image
We are prepared for some things, and we receive just as fast as we prepare ourselves. — Brigham Young Copy Share Image
“She was smart like that, and lucky like that, and people loved the hell out of her. They didn’t love the hell… — Jaymin Eve Copy Share Image
One of the issues that we professional newspaper columnists are required by union regulations to voice grave concern about is the federal… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I Followed you, I starred you, I retweeted you, I DM'ed you, I lost you, I blocked you, I never wanna see… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
“Who decides which defects are funny and which ones are tragic? Nobody laughs at blind people or makes iron lung jokes.” — David Mitchell Copy Share Image
U buy ur girlfriend a 4ne, Another guy buys her Airtym, Thats division of labor. U buy her Nika another guy removes… — Mars Mavis Paul John Copy Share Image
I've noticed, as a comedy fan, that I really like Paul Thomas Anderson or Quentin Tarantino because when they're funny, they're actually… — Paul Rust Copy Share Image
IF the ocean was made of vodka and I were a duck, I would swim to the bottom and never come up.… — Shubham Joshi Copy Share Image
If you see a man in glasses only walking back into your apartment building from day to day, its probably superman. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
