Dad, I promise to one day give you grandchildren who annoy me as much as I annoyed you. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Goodness, what beautiful diamonds!' 'Goodness had nothing to do with it'. — Mae West Copy Share Image
Moms Mabley said you have to say good things about the dead. I say, 'He's dead. Good.' — Kate Clinton Copy Share Image
Sorry the Gay Pride Parade has become more about serious issues and less about giant inflatable penises. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Patriarchal life, you’re out of date/Patriarchal life, get out of the way! — Planningtorock Copy Share Image
Funny people come from all over. I think Michigan has dark humor on lock, though. Michigan, to me, is equal parts beautiful… — Paul Walter Hauser Copy Share Image
“Jen felt a hand rest at the nape of her neck as a voice spoke softly next to her ear, "If you… — Quinn Loftis Copy Share Image
The creed of the Inland Revenue is simple: "If we can bring one little smile to one little face today, then somebody's… — David Frost Copy Share Image
Peter Falk and Denis Leary today walked into a Starbucks and shot 27 people, without any announcement whatsoever. — Denis Leary Copy Share Image
Sitcoms are designed for normal people who just want to turn on their TV and get a laugh. It's not high-brow, you… — Megyn Price Copy Share Image
When you're young and you get to choose between sleep and sex you take sex everytime. You start getting older, you get… — Jeff Foxworthy Copy Share Image
I was raised by women. Now I'm raising women. I was always better around girls. I live in an all-female household. I… — Aaron Taylor-Johnson Copy Share Image
I think if steroids are illegal for athletes why aint photoshop illegal for sum dez ratchet bitches on Facebook...IG & Twitter — IG:caonte_2_funny Copy Share Image
