If your wife and your lawyer were drowning and you had to choose, would you go to lunch or to a movie? — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
It's much easier to turn a friendship into love, than love into friendship. — Proverb Copy Share Image
They should really replace, I now pronounce you man and wife with FINISH HIM!! (mortal combat music blasting) — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Being divorced is an extremely useful way to fool women into believing you're capable of commitment. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Pretty people don't keep comedies on the air. Funny people keep comedies on the air. — Allison Jones Copy Share Image
Men are like Bluetooth they are only connected to you when you are near, but will scan other new devices when you… — Mercy Pheona Copy Share Image
All I want for Fathers Day is a woman who'll help me reenact the activities that led to my becoming a father… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I think there's something so funny about Ram Dass. I was lucky enough to sit across from him at dinner once, and… — Pete Holmes Copy Share Image
When men lose against me, they always have a headache ... or things of that kind. I have never beaten a completely… — Susan Polgar Copy Share Image
“I mean if there was any justice in the world you wouldn't even have to go to school during your period. You'd… — Andrea Portes Copy Share Image
I will make a joke about any of my family members, about me, about my wife, if I really thought that I'm… — Carlos Mencia Copy Share Image
I have seen slower people than I am and more deliberate... and even quieter, and more listless, and lazier people than I… — Mark Twain Copy Share Image
“What did you think of him?" Cade asked. "Give me some credit," Zach said. "Guy’s more full of shit than a duck… — Christopher Farnsworth Copy Share Image
