“Dude, could you please get off my girlfriend before I beat the crap out of you ? I don't want to injure her.” — Stacey Wallace Benefiel Copy Share Image
“Welcome to Glasgow - the city where we punch people who are on fire.” — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
My parents told me 'You watch too much TV and should try reading more!' So I turned on the subtitles. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
It's funny: the older I get, the more I can pick out when people are acting. — Will Forte Copy Share Image
“I have a friend who is a funny cook. Her food tastes funny and smells funny” — Haresh Daswani Copy Share Image
That moment when you get a sweet text and you just sit there smiling at your screen like a weirdo. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
LOVE, A situation which happens when you think almost as much of another as you do of yourself; — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I was always a funny guy. I don't think anybody that makes it to this level of stand-up wasn't a funny guy… — Ron White Copy Share Image
KISSING, A method of getting two people so close together that they can't possibly see anything wrong with each other; — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
The whole point about laughter is it's like mercury: you can't catch it, you can't catch what motivates it - that's why… — Mike Nichols Copy Share Image
There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If you look up the definition of stand-up comedy, it's funny on purpose. A little bit of pressure there. It's basically acting.… — Michael Waltrip Copy Share Image
I found it quite funny when my teacher at secondary school saw me bowl and wanted me to throw the javelin. So… — Fidel Edwards Copy Share Image
“This was Jonan's boat. She had helped Nan Seller dose his entire crew against the annual diarrhea outbreak known as the "winter… — Sarah Zettel Copy Share Image
I have a funny relationship to the British working class movement... I'm in it, but not culturally of it... I was aware… — Stuart Hall Copy Share Image
