Astronaut Quote by Conan O'Brien

“It was reported today that the machine on board the International Space Station that turns urine into drinking water has been fixed. After hearing this, an astronaut said, 'Wait. You mean that wasn't lemon Tang?'”

Conan O'Brien

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People should say 'no comment' more often. No comment! I love no comment. Let's have more no comment.

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A new study reveals that one-third of babies in the U.S. have used a smartphone. Yeah, and one-third of babies in China have MADE…

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Martha Stewart showed up at Manhattan FBI Headquarters to have her finger prints taken and pose for a mug shot. Then Martha explained how…

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The big story today, Barack Obama was accused of insulting Sarah Palin when he criticized Republican policies by saying, you can put lipstick on…

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LEGO has announced that they are shutting down their U.S. factory and moving it to Canada. LEGO employees say it's their fault because they…

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A new survey reveals that women would rather give up sex than give up the remote control for the TV. Men, on the other…

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Yesterday the DEA raided several NFL teams suspected of giving prescription painkillers to their players. In its defense, the New York Jets' doctor said,…

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President Obama gave a speech about healthcare tonight, and yesterday he gave a pep talk to students. He told them that in order to…

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The first thing men notice about a woman is her eyes. Then, when her eyes aren't looking, they notice her breasts.

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“Disappointment leads to clarity, which leads to conviction and true originality.”

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'You spin in the sky, the world spins under you, and you step from land to land, while we . . .' She turned…

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I think the astronaut job is the best job in the world. I realized when I was older and started applying for it that…

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I stayed in the astronaut program until 1993. People ask me why I left. I thought I had a lot of things to contribute…

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Rugby has surprisingly helped me a lot as an astronaut and when I'm training in the space suit.

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As a former Apollo astronaut, I think it's safe to say that SpaceX and the other commercial developers embody the 21st century version of…

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My optimism and confidence come not from feeling I'm luckier than other mortals, and they sure don't come from visualizing victory. They're the result…

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