Witty Quotes
- Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake. — W.C. Fields
- I like children - fried. — W.C. Fields
- I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday. — W.C. Fields
- Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad. — W.C. Fields
- Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action. — Ian Fleming
- Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at twenty or eighty. Anyone who keeps learning stays young. The greatest thing in life is to keep… — Henry Ford
- Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal. — Henry Ford
- The time to relax is when you don't have time for it. — Sydney J. Harris
- Democracy is the only system that persists in asking the powers that be whether they are the powers that ought to be. — Sydney J. Harris
- Middle Age is that perplexing time of life when we hear two voices calling us, one saying, 'Why not?' and the other, 'Why bother?' — Sydney J. Harris
- Never mistake motion for action. — Ernest Hemingway
- If 'pro' is the opposite of 'con' what is the opposite of 'progress'? — Paul Harvey
- The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy. — Helen Hayes
- A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap. — Mitch Hedberg
- I wish my name was Brian because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. That's like a free compliment and you… — Mitch Hedberg
- I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle. — Mitch Hedberg
- I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I'm upside down. — Mitch Hedberg
- I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it. — Mitch Hedberg
- This shirt is dry clean only. Which means... it's dirty. — Mitch Hedberg
- Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut. — Ernest Hemingway