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Witty Quotes by Mark Twain
- Nothing spoils a good story like the arrival of an eyewitness.
- Men write many fine and plausible arguments in support of monarchy, but the fact remains that where every man has a voice, brutal laws are…
- The humorous story is American, the comic story is English, the witty story is French. The humorous story depends for its effect upon the manner…
- Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
- Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself.
- Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.
- A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.
- Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
- The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.
- Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
- It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.
- The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- By trying we can easily endure adversity. Another man's, I mean.
- Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising.
- One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.
- What would men be without women? Scarce, sir...mighty scarce.
- Wagner’s music is better than it sounds.
- It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.
- After all these years, I see that I was mistaken about Eve in the beginning; it is better to live outside the Garden with her…
More Witty Quotes
- Under every stone lurks a politician. — Aristophanes
- Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies. — Aristotle
- Wit is educated insolence. — Aristotle
- The gods too are fond of a joke. — Aristotle
- It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims. — Aristotle
- Democracy arises out of the notion that those who are equal in any respect are equal in all respects; because men are… — Aristotle
- If equal affection cannot be, let the more loving be me. — Wystan Hugh Auden
- O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet. — Saint Augustine