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Mitch Hedberg's Page
Want Em Quotes by Mitch Hedberg
1 Want Em quote by Mitch Hedberg
More Quotes by Mitch Hedberg
Mitch Hedberg has 172 quotes on this site. A few more worth reading:
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Alcoholism is the only disease that you can get yelled at for having.
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Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only one you can get yelled at for having. Goddamn it Otto, you are an…
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I hate turkeys. If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get mad at…
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I like rice. Rice is great if you're hungry and want 2000 of something picketing, but I don't know how to show…
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Foosball screwed up my perception of soccer. I though you had to kick the ball and then spin around and around. I…
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If you drink O'Douls, you don't drink; but if you drink 20 O'Douls in a half hour, then you're a non-alcoholic.
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I went to a restaurant, and I saw a guy wearing a leather jacket, eating a hamburger, drinking a glass of milk.…
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What am I drinking? NyQuil on the rocks, for when you're feeling sick but sociable.
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I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations that I've…
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I love my fed-ex guy cause he's a drug dealer and he don't even know it...and he's always on time.
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Hell, yeah! Meeting adjourned!
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Well, I was lost but now I live here! I have severely improved my predicament!
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When they look back on me I want 'em to remember me not for all my wives, although I've had a few,…
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My apartment is infested with koala bears. It's the cutest infestation ever. Way better than cockroaches. When I turn on the light…
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Rom Hollywood to the hood I want em all. Man I swear that I want them all, wanna fuck em all I…
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Focus baby don't look at me, see right through me, understand my heartbeat murmurs to mock your rhythm,Yeah, my nuts, the other…
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Cause they're cornered and I want 'em to jump up. I'd rather say that we came to shut 'em all down. So…
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I just don't think most celebrity relationships are real and have a real foundation, I don't think that it started with real…
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A Woman Never Say: I've decided to buy myself a boob job, how big do you want 'em?
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