« All Love Quotes · Jack Handey's Page
Love Quotes by Jack Handey
- The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.
- Love can sweep you off your feet and carry you along in a way you've never known before. But the ride always ends, and you…
- Love is not something that you can put chains on and throw into a lake. That's called Houdini. Love is liking someone a lot.
- He was a cowboy, mister, and he loved the land. He loved it so much he made a woman out of dirt and married her.…
- Whenever someone asks me to define love, I usually think for a minute, then I spin around and pin the guy's arm behind his back.…
- If you work on a lobster boat, sneaking up behind someone and pinching him is probably a joke that gets old real fast.
- Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if…
- I'd rather be rich than stupid.
- Whenever you read a good book, it's like the author is right there, in the room, talking to you, which is why I don't like…
- If you go flying back through time, and you see somebody else flying forward into the future, it's probably best to avoid eye contact.
- Instead of a trap door, what about a trap window? The guy looks out it, and if he leans too far, he falls out. Wait.…
- Sometimes I think you have to march right in and demand your rights, even if you don't know what your rights are, or who the…
- If your friend is already dead, and being eaten by vultures, I think it's okay to feed some bits of your friend to one of…
- It's easy to sit there and say you'd like to have more money. And I guess that's what I like about it. It's easy. Just…
- It's probably not a good idea to be chewing on a toothpick if you're talking to the president, because what if he tells a funny…
- A funny thing is if you're out hiking and your friend gets bit by a poisonous snake, tell him you're going for help, then go…
- If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror, because I bet that's what REALLY throws you into a panic.
- Tonight, when we were eating dinner, Marta said something that really knocked me for a loop. She said, "I love carrots." "Good," I said as…
- I love going down to the elementary school, watching all the kids jump and shout, but they don't know I'm using blanks.
- If your friend is already dead, and being eaten by vultures, I think it's okay to feed some bits of your friend to one of…
- I wish I would have a real tragic love affair and get so bummed out that I'd just quit my job and become a bum…
- If you were a poor Indian with no weapons, and a bunch of conquistadores came up to you and asked where the gold was, I…
More Love Quotes
- Poets are the only people to whom love is not only a crucial, but an indispensable experience, which entitles them to mistake… — Hannah Arendt
- These are the fifties, you know. The disgusting, posturing fifties. — Hannah Arendt
- I love you, and because I love you, I would sooner have you hate me for telling you the truth than adore… — Pietro Aretino
- Let us love winter, for it is the spring of genius. — Pietro Aretino
- I want to do what I want when I want to do it not be dictated to by audiences. — Dario Argento
- I went through a phase where I thought nostalgia was a bad thing. — Dario Argento
- In Italy the censor is very old and there are many judges and psychiatrists who analyse you. — Dario Argento
- When I was a teenager, I read a lot of Poe. — Dario Argento
- I find that it's hard to fully examine one's life and not have faith be part of the discussion. — J. J. Abrams
- I'm literally open to any medium that will have me. — J. J. Abrams
- I work with really hard-working people who are really good at what they do. — J. J. Abrams
- We must all make peace so that we can all live in peace. — Jean-Bertrand Aristide