"If your friend is already dead, and being……" — Jack Handey
"If your friend is already dead, and being eaten by vultures, I think it's okay to feed some bits of your friend to one of the vultures, to teach him to do some tricks. But ONLY if you're serious about adopting the vulture."
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Jack Handey
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397 Quotes by Jack Handey
Jack Handey has 397 quotes on this site.
A few more worth reading:
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If any man says he hates war more than I do, he better have a knife, that's all I have…
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I hope that after I die, people will say of me: 'That guy sure owed me a lot of money.'
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People think it would be fun to be a bird because you could fly. But they forget the negative side,…
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The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.
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I guess of all my uncles, I liked Uncle Caveman the best. We called him Uncle Caveman because he lived…
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If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater, because then people would sing about me…
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Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's…
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What is it about a beautiful sunny afternoon, with the birds singing and the wind rustling through the leaves, that…
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Not screaming in terror like his passengers.
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Somebody told me it was frightening how much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story around…
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MEMORIES OF MY FAMILY MEETINGS still are a source of strength to me. I remember we'd all get into the…
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I BET WHEN NEANDERTHAL KIDS would make a snowman, someone would always end up saying, "Don't forget the thick heavy…
See all 397 quotes by Jack Handey »
More Adopting Quotes
This quote is filed under Adopting Quotes,
one of 109 quotes in that category. Here are a few more:
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What a lonely species we are, searching for signals of life from other galaxies, adopting companion animals, visiting parks and…
— Diane Ackerman
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I talked about adopting a baby when I was 20 years old, before it became 'hip.'
— Tyra Banks
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I was adopting an Ethiopian child, that's not true. My house was haunted, that wasn't true. God, there's been so…
— Adele
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House and Senate Republicans are now united in adopting earmark bans. We hope President Obama will follow through on his…
— John Boehner
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Adopting a new healthier lifestyle can involve changing diet to include more fresh fruit and vegetables as well as increasing…
— Linford Christie
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It has seemed so strange to me that the larger culture, with its own absence of spirit and lack of…
— Linda Hogan
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The slowness of one section of the world about adopting the valuable ideas of another section of it is a…
— Mark Twain
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The coconut trees, lithe and graceful, crowd the beach like a minuet of slender elderly virgins adopting flippant poses.
— William Manchester
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All personal breakthroughs begin with a change in beliefs. So how do we change? The most effective way is to…
— Tony Robbins
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Is it not amazing that at a time when the rights of humanity are defined and understood with precision, in…
— Patrick Henry
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The only objections that have occurred to me are, 1st that you have loaded yourself with an unnecessary difficulty in…
— Thomas Huxley
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Adopting a central organizing principle means embarking on an all-out effort to use every policy and program, every law and…
— Al Gore
See all 109 Adopting Quotes »