"If you were a poor Indian with no……" — Jack Handey
"If you were a poor Indian with no weapons, and a bunch of conquistadores came up to you and asked where the gold was, I don't think it would be a good idea to say, 'I swallowed it. So sue me."
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Jack Handey
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397 Quotes by Jack Handey
Jack Handey has 397 quotes on this site.
A few more worth reading:
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If any man says he hates war more than I do, he better have a knife, that's all I have…
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I hope that after I die, people will say of me: 'That guy sure owed me a lot of money.'
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People think it would be fun to be a bird because you could fly. But they forget the negative side,…
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The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.
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I guess of all my uncles, I liked Uncle Caveman the best. We called him Uncle Caveman because he lived…
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If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater, because then people would sing about me…
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Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's…
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What is it about a beautiful sunny afternoon, with the birds singing and the wind rustling through the leaves, that…
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Not screaming in terror like his passengers.
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Somebody told me it was frightening how much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story around…
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MEMORIES OF MY FAMILY MEETINGS still are a source of strength to me. I remember we'd all get into the…
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I BET WHEN NEANDERTHAL KIDS would make a snowman, someone would always end up saying, "Don't forget the thick heavy…
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More Asked Quotes
This quote is filed under Asked Quotes,
one of 5,201 quotes in that category. Here are a few more:
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Whether if soul did not exist time would exist or not, is a question that may fairly be asked; for…
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If journalists ask you again and again about the same bands, you'll end up saying you hate them just because…
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To save your world you asked this man to die; would this man, could he see you now, ask why?
— Wystan Hugh Auden
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On two occasions I have been asked, 'Pray, Mr. Babbage, if you put into the machine wrong figures, will the…
— Charles Babbage
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No, if it was up to me every record would be brand new studio material but Atlantic records asked me…
— Sebastian Bach
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If I were asked to name the chief benefit of the house, I should say: the house shelters day-dreaming, the…
— Gaston Bachelard
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If I was asked to say what was the greatest invention of human beings, I would say the sentence.
— John Banville
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I learned the songs and played the gigs, and then they called me about a month later. They told me…
— Travis Barker
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Why have I been chosen to deliver the message of female intelligence and its divinity to a deaf world of…
— Roseanne Barr
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Millions saw the apple fall, but Newton was the one who asked why.
— Bernard Baruch
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Filibusters have proliferated because under current rules just one or two determined senators can stop the Senate from functioning. Today,…
— Evan Bayh
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Ever since the Greek tragedies, artists have, from time to time, asked themselves how they might influence ongoing political events.
— John Berger
See all 5,201 Asked Quotes »