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Kid Quotes by Jack Handey
- If you ever have to steal money from your kid, and later on he discovers it's gone, I think a good thing to do is…
- If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is 'God is crying'. And if he asks why…
- Children need encouragement. If a kid gets an answer right, tell him it was a lucky guess. That way he develops a good, lucky feeling.
- When I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school we'd all go play in his cave, and every once in a…
- If your kid makes one of those little homemade guitars out of a cigar box and rubber bands, don't let him just play it once…
- Instead of putting a quarter under a kid's pillow, how about a pinecone? That way, he learns that "wishing" isn't going to save out national…
- It's not good to let any kid near a container that has a skull and crossbones on it, because there might be a skeleton costume…
- Too bad when I was a kid there wasn't a guy in our class that everybody called the "Cricket Boy", because I would have liked…
- One day I saw a big kid beating up a little kid. I went over to the little kid and gave him a swift kick.…
- If a kid ever asks you how Santa Claus can live forever, I think a good answer is that he drinks blood.
More Kid Quotes
- I'm hoping someday that some kid, black or white, will hit more home runs than myself. Whoever it is, I'd be pulling… — Hank Aaron
- When I was a kid, it was a huge insult to be a geek. Now it's a point of pride in a… — J. J. Abrams
- As a kid, 'Star Wars' was much more my thing than 'Star Trek' was. — J. J. Abrams
- I'm a father. It isn't just my life any more. I don't want my kid finding bottles in the house or seeing… — Billie Joe Armstrong
- When I was a kid, among the other embarrassing things I would do, and there's a list of stupid things, but I… — J. J. Abrams
- When I was a little kid - and even still - I loved magic tricks. When I saw how movies got made… — J. J. Abrams
- I joined the swim team when I was 12, and I was the worst kid in the pool - I was put… — Lance Armstrong
- I'm sure most of us remember being a kid and you have all of this endless time where two weeks before Christmas… — Andrea Arnold
- When I was a kid, I really loved Indians. Native Americans. Pardon. Me. — Dave Attell
- My first band, Kid Wicked, we did half covers and half originals. — Sebastian Bach
- I was a very self-righteous 15-25 year old. Anyway, I wake up every morning and thank God I'm not a kid anymore. — Annie Baker
- I was a pretty scrappy, tough kid; I got in all sorts of fights at school. I defended myself - boys didn't… — Amy Adams