"If you ever have to steal money from……" — Jack Handey

If you ever have to steal money from your kid, and later… - Jack Handey

"If you ever have to steal money from your kid, and later on he discovers it's gone, I think a good thing to do is to blame it on Santa Claus."

— Jack Handey

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397 Quotes by Jack Handey

Jack Handey has 397 quotes on this site. A few more worth reading:

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More Blame Quotes

This quote is filed under Blame Quotes, one of 2,091 quotes in that category. Here are a few more:

I try to live my life where I end up at a point where I have no regrets. So I… — Darren Aronofsky
You can't live your life blaming your failures on your parents and what they did or didn't do for you.… — Drew Barrymore
Do not blame anybody for your mistakes and failures. — Bernard Baruch
Informed decision-making comes from a long tradition of guessing and then blaming others for inadequate results. — Scott Adams
There's man all over for you, blaming on his boots the fault of his feet. — Samuel Beckett
The Marxist analysis has got nothing to do with what happened in Stalin's Russia: it's like blaming Jesus Christ for… — Tony Benn
I never blame myself when I'm not hitting. I just blame the bat and if it keeps up, I change… — Yogi Berra
I don't blame the players today for the money. I blame the owners. They started it. They wanna give it… — Yogi Berra
Everyone's quick to blame the alien. — Aeschylus
One day I realized that I wasn't getting anywhere by blaming other people for my circumstances. I finally understood: Even… — Mary J. Blige
If a hurricane strikes, we can blame the president for not being there; we can blame Congress and FEMA; we… — Michael Bloomberg
It's not natural disasters that are to blame for the deprivation of the North Korean people, but the failed policies… — John Bolton

See all 2,091 Blame Quotes »