Your Kid Quotes

81 quotes by 73 authors

Unless your kid is Pele Jr., they're not going to be able to feed themselves from soccer. If your kid knows how to play soccer,… — Alton Brown
Treat your kid like a darling for the first five years. For the next five years, scold them. By the time they turn sixteen, treat… — Chanakya
Success is like dealing with your kid or teaching your wife to drive. Sooner or later you'll end up in the police station. — Fred Allen
If you ever have to steal money from your kid, and later on he discovers it's gone, I think a good thing to do is… — Jack Handey
If you're mad at your kid, you can either raise him to be a nose tackle or send him out to play on the freeway.… — Bob Golic
There are a lot of girls that will try to hook up with you, then try to have your kid because they figure they're going… — Dustin Diamond
We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again. — Rodney Dangerfield
About 100 things that your kid will do that will surprise you and break your heart and it will be a combination of fact based… — Alan Thicke
Wouldn't you rather your kid be a drug dealer than a drug addict? — John Waters
If your kid comes out of the bedroom and says he just shut down the government, he should have an outfit for that. — John Waters
I want to throw down your kid and stomp on his testicles, and then you will know what it is like to experience waking up… — Mike Tyson
Why do I have to be an example for your kid? You be an example for your own kid. — Bob Gibson
We have never invested as much in public education as we should have because we've always had a private notion of children. Your kid is… — Melissa Harris-Perry
If you caught your kid raising cats in tiny boxes, forcing them to live in their own feces without clean air or sunlight, pulling their… — Dan Piraro
The thing about hitting kids is, think about if you were doing the same thing to another adult. Hitting your kid is really the same… — Zach Braff
This Windows 95 hairball has become so big, so unmanageable, so hard to use, so hard to configure, so hard to keep up and running,… — Scott McNealy
If your kid makes one of those little homemade guitars out of a cigar box and rubber bands, don't let him just play it once… — Jack Handey
Exactly one day in your life your kid will ski as good as you do. The next day, he'll ski better than you. — Warren Miller
As time goes by the memories of sitting on the edge of a bed and reading aloud with your kid are going to be very… — Gary Ross
It's good to be able to deal with it [anger] somehow other than drinking, fighting, crashing cars, hitting your kid, your wife, your husband, your… — Henry Rollins

Who Wrote These Your Kid Quotes

73 authors contributed a total of 81 Your Kid Quotes, led by these top contributors: