Jokes Quotes

2488 Jokes quotes by 1346 unique authors

A surprising amount of my jokes sound very implausible but are true. — Jimmy Carr
It all started with a badly timed bald joke! — Colin Mochrie
I didn't plan to be the rude middle-class comedian. You write a certain type of joke that you find funny, and mine happen to be… — Jimmy Carr
I like to write a joke without any fat on it.The shorter the better. I cater for people with ADD, basically. — Jimmy Carr
The girl-next-door image is a sort of joke; for years, I couldnt get any roles other than as somebody dark. — Felicity Kendal
I can't even really tell a joke. I find being funny very hard work. I am always asked about it and I feel guilty saying… — Madeline Kahn
It’s just what they are — they’re jokes…most jokes are about Jewish people, rednecks, black folks…I can’t determine what offends another person. — Paula Deen
I was always Armie. There couldn't be a 90-year-old Armand and a 9-day-old one. And I heard enough jokes about baking soda. — Armie Hammer
Many gamblers think they're being singled out by fate as a target for cruel jokes. They feel they alone in all the universe are being… — Mike Caro
Nate Silver says this is a 73.6 percent chance that the president is going to win? Nobody in that campaign thinks they have a 73… — Joe Scarborough
I think when you dissect a joke too much, you have ruined whatever there is in comedy. — Bob Saget
Bob Saget was known, in the comedy clubs in those days, as extremely funny but with dark humor. It was always an inside joke among… — Bob Saget
You can't do anything to be funny. That's cringeworthy. If your humor comes out of a place of love every time, you don't make the… — John Krasinski
When you do late-night TV, you do different jokes in the same place every night. When you're on the road as a comedian, you do… — Jay Leno
I've learned to have absolutely no regrets about any jokes I've ever done. — Joan Rivers
I've learned to have absolutely no regrets about any jokes I've ever done You can tune me out, you can click me off, it's OK.… — Joan Rivers
People want me to be funny all the time. They think I'm being funny no matter what I say or do and that's not the… — Christopher Guest
I remember a long, long day of filming and it took forever to get Kirk Douglas up on his cross. We played a terrible joke… — Jean Simmons
What really got my goat at MGM were comedians like The Marx Brothers who never wrote their own jokes. — Buster Keaton
I don't consider myself a comedian because I don't really concern myself too much with jokes. — Paul Rudd
I've heard every pie joke in the book. I'm still waiting for an original one. — Jason Biggs
I start with the joke line and write backward. — Nipsey Russell
You know what? I never really factor Hollywood into anything. I'm a black actor, so I can't really control what Hollywood thinks. I gotta go… — Jamie Foxx
The term comics long ago became obsolete and inaccurate. It merely defined the content of the early joke-based comical strips. Sequential Art is a more… — Will Eisner
Here’s my most funniest joke, I’m broke. — Lil Wayne

Who Wrote These Jokes Quotes

1,346 authors contributed a total of 2,488 Jokes Quotes, led by these top contributors: