Jokes Quotes

2488 Jokes quotes by 1346 unique authors

When I look at the smiles on all the children's faces...I just know they're about to jab me with something. — Homer
It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day. — Homer
Trying is the first step toward failure. — Homer
I get a great laugh from artists who ridicule the critics as parasites and artists manqués — sucha horrible joke. I can’t imagine a more… — Manny Farber
The joke is that U2's new record only looked like a virus. Enjoy mining bitcoins for me losers. — Thom Yorke
Death's an old joke, but each individual encounters it anew. — Ivan Turgenev
I often fake my death and then just show up at people's houses. They say 'that's a good one Thom' but I know maybe they… — Thom Yorke
I'm banned from Middlebrook elementary for telling dirty jokes to the janitor. The janitor! He cleans up dirt for a living. — Thom Yorke
A play is made by sensing how the forces in life simulate ignorance-you set free the concealed irony, the deadly joke. — Arthur Miller
AÂ form of intellectual productiveness, therein lies its peculiar charm. Intellectual productiveness is one of the greatest joys - if not the greatest one -… — Siegbert Tarrasch
Whether people grow fat by joking, or whether there is something in fat itself which predisposes to a joke, I have never been quite able… — Edgar Allan Poe
It was a bit of fun. But of course like anything that starts as a joke, people started to take it all seriously! — Steven Wilson
For the amount of talent I had (and I couldn't dance, act, or tell a joke) I enjoyed a tremendous career. — Perry Como
You have to have a passionate opinion; otherwise you sound false. You end up telling the audience jokes they've already heard. — Stephen Colbert
I don't want to see people decorating a house or digging a garden. As for guys like Jonathan Ross, he got an award there last… — Ian St John
But you do have to learn, if you want to be a satirist, you can't be part of the party. Meaning, you can't go horseback… — Joan Rivers
"I've learned what's funny verbally ain't so funny on e-mail: They don't hear your intonations. Melissa broke up with somebody over that. She tried to… — Joan Rivers
Every time a woman makes herself laugh at her husband's often-told jokes she betrays him. The man who looks at his woman and says 'What… — Germaine Greer
Great short stories and great jokes have a lot in common. Both depend on what communication-theorists sometimes called "exformation," which is a certain quantity of… — David Foster Wallace
Sex is a momentary itch, love never lets you go. — Kingsley Amis
Puberty is the sickest joke God plays on us. So you're just noticing members of the sex: "Girls girls, ooo". Naturally you want to look… — Eddie Izzard
The human race has been set up. Someone, somewhere, is playing a practical joke on us. Apparently, women need to feel loved to have sex.… — Billy Connolly
The act of sex, gratifying as it may be, is God's joke on humanity. It is man's last desperate stand at superintendency. — Bette Davis
Even the gods love jokes. — Plato
I grew up in an environment of jokes and sarcasm and puns. I talk that way, so I write that way. — Allan Sloan

Who Wrote These Jokes Quotes

1,346 authors contributed a total of 2,488 Jokes Quotes, led by these top contributors: