Jokes Quotes

2488 Jokes quotes by 1346 unique authors

If you work on a lobster boat, sneaking up behind someone and pinching him is probably a joke that gets old real fast. — Jack Handey
The high-handed bureaucratic excesses of the IRS are a national disgrace ... riding roughshod over the taxpayers and making a joke out of our rule… — Paul Laxalt
Audiences are always better pleased with a smart retort, some joke or epigram, than with any amount of reasoning. — Charlotte Perkins Gilman
Dressing is a pleasure; clothes are not a joke. — Jean Paul Gaultier
My father was the kind of guy who'd always say 'Throw out any subject and I got a joke on it,' — Carol Leifer
You can make fun with Saddam Hussein jokes ... but you can't make fun of, say, the concentration camps. I think my target was not… — Tom Lehrer
A poet in history is divine, but a poet in the next room is a joke — Max Eastman
There is a grandeur in the uniformity of the mass. When a fashion, a dance, a song, a slogan or a joke sweeps like wildfire… — Eric Hoffer
One should never risk a joke, even of the mildest and most unexceptional charters, except among people of culture and wit. — Jean de la Bruyere
He who laughs last didn't get the joke. — Charles de Gaulle
How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain.… — Matt Groening
Jeff Foxworthy is a legend. Every time I see his moustache it reminds me to wax my lip and every time I hear his jokes… — Lisa Lampanelli
I just wanted to be in show biz. I wanted to make music and sing and dance, tell jokes and stories, make ya smile, make… — David Lee Roth
Now, everybody, I suppose, is aware that in recent years the silly business of divination by dreams has ceased to be a joke and has… — Arthur Machen
There have always been jokes all over our songs; I originally started writing lyrics to make my friends crack a smile, which is difficult. — Alex Turner
The whole point of animation to me is to tell a story, make a joke, express an idea. The technique itself doesn't really matter. Whatever… — Terry Gilliam
The Internet was done so well that most people think of it as a natural resource like the Pacific Ocean, rather than something that was… — Alan Kay
When I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school we'd all go play in his cave, and every once in a… — Jack Handey
As we were driving, we saw a sign that said, "Watch for Rocks." Martha said it should read "Watch for Pretty Rocks." I told her… — Jack Handey
One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him… — Jack Handey
Here's a good joke to do during an earthquake: straddle a big crack in the ground, and if it opened wider, go "Whoa! Whoa!" and… — Jack Handey
I, like all artists in Western cultures, am a shaman...come in the guise of a comic...to heal perception by using...'jokes'... — Bill Hicks
Laughter... is like a hurricane: once it reaches a certain point, it becomes self-feeding, self-supporting. You laugh not because the jokes are funny but because… — Stephen King
I joke, but I only half joke, that if you come to one of our hospitals missing a limb, no one will believe you till… — Abraham Verghese
After that [father's death] I never cried with any real conviction, nor expected much of anyone's God except indifference, nor loved deeply without fear that… — Russell Baker

Who Wrote These Jokes Quotes

1,346 authors contributed a total of 2,488 Jokes Quotes, led by these top contributors: