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Jokes Quotes by Tommy Cooper
- Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
- A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor says, 'It's old age.' The woman says, 'I want a second opinion.' The…
- I went into a French restaraunt and asked the waiter, 'Have you got frog's legs?' He said, 'Yes,' so I said, 'Well hop into the…
- So a man jumps into a taxi and says King Arthur's close and the taxi driver says, don't worry we'll lose him at the next…
- I slept like a log last night. I woke up in the fireplace.
- I had a dream last night, I was eating a ten pound marshmallow. I woke up this morning and the pillow was gone.
- You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' So that was…
More Jokes Quotes
- Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies. — Aristotle
- The gods too are fond of a joke. — Aristotle
- If I can't face my accusers, that's a joke. We did that in medieval times. — Lance Armstrong
- If equal affection cannot be, let the more loving be me. — Wystan Hugh Auden
- I'm not Mr. Debonair Suave. I'm just a regular boy who goofs around, pulls pranks, and makes jokes. That doesn't sound very… — Jensen Ackles
- As the old joke goes, I have all the sins together. I am a woman, a Socialist, separated and agnostic. — Michelle Bachelet
- The toilets at a local police station have been stolen. Police say they have nothing to go on. — Ronnie Barker
- I try to do women's-point-of-view comedy. The joke is, 'This is what I think; there's the truth.' I try to think of… — Roseanne Barr
- I was raised on government cheese. As an adult, in my first marriage, my husband and I worked real hard just to… — Roseanne Barr
- Every man who is high up likes to think he has done it all himself; and the wife smiles, and lets it… — James M. Barrie
- In life there are always these things happening if you can just get the joke. — Lynda Barry
- Your own mind is a sacred enclosure into which nothing harmful can enter except by your permission. — Arnold Bennett