Jokes Quotes

2488 Jokes quotes by 1346 unique authors

It's a cosmic joke that I'm a lesbian, because I understand men so well but women are a complete mystery to me. — Lea DeLaria
I can tell jokes. I can talk to the audience. I can relax. I can change my songs whenever I want. I can change the… — Robert Goulet
The next best thing to a very good joke is a very bad one. — Julius Charles Hare
In your thirties, you're much more comfortable with sex. First of all, sex is something you've done more. You know you can have sex just… — Julie Delpy
Some people know that they are so adorable looking, all they have to do is smile and dress up and they get plenty from that.… — Merrill Markoe
A Swedish newspaper reporter called and said, You've been awarded the Prize. I was quite sure it was a practical joke. — Joshua Lederberg
When a kid can understand that a word can mean two things, there's some real thinking going on. They have a vested interest in finding… — Brian P. Cleary
You want a story? Read 'Gone With the Wind'. These aren't stories. They're joke books. The whole thing of a beginning, a middle and an… — Brian P. Cleary
Kids enjoy laughing and are seldom bored when they find something funny. They also ask questions, often to adults, because they understand that the more… — Brian P. Cleary
Jokes are better than war. Even the most aggressive jokes are better than the least aggressive wars. Even the longest jokes are better than the… — George Mikes
If I can enjoy a joke at the expense of another; if I can in any way slight another in conversation, or even in thought,… — Amy Carmichael
I think you actually get a kick out of being disappointed and under-achieving, because it's easier, isn't it? Failure and unhappiness is easier because you… — David Nicholls
Think for yourself, and believe in yourself. Keep your skeptical antennae tuned in and in good working order at all times. We are free to… — Dennis McKenna
I love a stupid joke, something that doesn't make any sense. — Chelsea Handler
I stand above the tree level I am a tree I catch wind storm breaths My branches claw I drink sky It stretches me I… — Marie Ponsot
Humor is an attitude, a survivor’s way of looking at life. It’s not about telling jokes. — Michael Shurtleff
I still have access to enough money to live on in order to avoid bankruptcy for at least a few years as long as I… — Patrick Stump
Those who do not have power over the story that dominates their lives, power to retell it, to rethink it, deconstruct it, joke about it,… — Salman Rushdie
U.S. soldiers, with whom I now have more than a passing acquaintance, joke that they track my movements in order to know where they will… — Christiane Amanpour
But today, I feel the genuine warmth, the affection, and although I may joke about it, I am touched. — Perry Como
My music has a high irritation factor. I`ve always tried to say something. Eccentric lyrics about eccentric people. Often it was is joke. But I… — Randy Newman
If you keep making jokes like that, somebody is going to shoot you, father. — Mary Todd Lincoln
It's a joke. Greed and the desire to take drugs are two separate things. If you want to separate the two, the thing you do… — Jerry Garcia
Love is a sudden revelation: a kiss is always a discovery — Leonardo DiCaprio
I am not against marriage - without marriage, ninety-nine percent jokes will disappear from the world. How I can be against marriage? I am all… — Rajneesh

Who Wrote These Jokes Quotes

1,346 authors contributed a total of 2,488 Jokes Quotes, led by these top contributors: