Jokes Quotes

2488 Jokes quotes by 1346 unique authors

A baby is born with a need to be loved - and never outgrows it. — Frank A. Clark
I live on a ranch in Texas and do my own thing. And I don't care what anyone has to say about it. My joke… — Kelly Clarkson
When you've been doing comedy for forty years, you really do know most of the jokes. And even if you don't know a specific joke,… — John Cleese
There's a few tunes of mine that don't have jokes, but most of them have a joke and they have a humorous point of view… — Mose Allison
My life has been one great big joke, a dance that's walked a song that's spoke, I laugh so hard I almost choke when I… — Maya Angelou
Love is, above all, the gift of oneself. — Jean Anouilh
I never smile when I have a bat in my hands. That's when you've got to be serious. When I get out on the field,… — Hank Aaron
It is requisite for the relaxation of the mind that we make use, from time to time, of playful deeds and jokes. — Thomas Aquinas
[When] you're dying laughing because your three-year-old made a fart joke, it doesn't matter what else is going on. That's real happiness. — Gwyneth Paltrow
Whenever fortune wishes to joke, she lifts people from what is humble to the highest extremity of affairs. — Juvenal
Bad jokes and gay marriage are destroying this country. But torture can save it. — Jon Stewart
Some days I feel like everyone in my world has plugged themselves into my kidney. I'm so tired. But when you're having dinner with your… — Gwyneth Paltrow
I need to make an okay living. The people who work for us need to. But after you make a comfortable living, how much more… — Craig Newmark
This is a funny story. We'd asked the guards every day for cappuccino. You know, just as a joke. And they'd come in with their… — Martha Stewart
They can crack jokes. They can sit back and analyze and criticize and make all the fun they want. But I'm living my life, I'm… — Kai Greene
My dad used to say 'Always fight fire with fire,' which is probably why he got thrown out of the the fire brigade. — Harry Hill
We're all just a bundle of habits shaped by our memories. And to the extent that we control our lives, we do so by gradually… — Joshua Foer
Jokes aside, let us turn to serious matters. — Horace
We don't apologize for a joke. We are comics. We are here to make you laugh. If you don't get it, then don't watch us. — Joan Rivers
I sold my house this week. I got a pretty good price for it, but it made my landlord mad as hell — Garry Shandling
I tell jokes to pay my green fees. — Bob Hope
My mom was a ventriloquist and she always was throwing her voice. For ten years I thought the dog was telling me to kill my… — Wendy Liebman
This is a youth-oriented society, and the joke is on them because youth is a disease from which we all recover. — Dorothy Fuldheim
I must admit I am nervous about getting Alzheimer's. Once it hits, I might tell my best joke and never know it. — Joan Rivers
When you look at the average American you realize there's nothing nature enjoys more than a good joke. — George Carlin

Who Wrote These Jokes Quotes

1,346 authors contributed a total of 2,488 Jokes Quotes, led by these top contributors: