Jokes Quotes

2488 Jokes quotes by 1346 unique authors

Three women walk into a pub and say, `Hooray, we've colonised a male-dominated joke format' — Bill Bailey
Tell me that I misunderstood a joke, but don't tell me that my choice of cravat is wrong. — David Niven
I want my tombstone to read: If this is a joke, I don't get it. — David Brenner
A despot doesn't fear eloquent writers preaching freedom- he fears a drunken poet who may crack a joke that will take hold. — Elwyn Brooks White
I learned that money can be a lot of things,It can be something that is hoarded, fought over, protected, stolen and withheld. Or it can… — Louis C. K.
I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected. — Henny Youngman
I used to crack A joke when Sourav Ganguly is upset and make him happy , i usually speak in bengali which would make him… — Sachin Tendulkar
Feminine traits are called weaknesses. People joke about them; fools ridicule them; but reasonable persons see very well that those traits are just the tools… — Immanuel Kant
I did see the Soul Train picture. That was interesting. I've heard all the jokes. I had it coming. — Mike Tomlin
I like to joke that I probably hold the world record for rejection letters. Yes, the truth is that I was fed up of being… — Ashwin Sanghi
In his recent book, When Brute Force Fails, UCLA's Kleiman argues that new strategies for targeting repeat offenders--including reforms to make probation an effective sanction… — David Von Drehle
Garry Shandling is someone I've publicly gone gay for, for jokes. Oh and anyone in the Twilight movies. I don't know any of their names,… — David Duchovny
I have my own gym. When you do jokes and they sell, you get a gym. — Don Rickles
Vicodin, I got addicted to that little pill. The reason I dont talk about it too much in the press is because it isnt funny,… — Matthew Perry
I am a super-confident writer, and as a joke writer and as an actress, I'm like, 'I want to go head-to-head with every person.' I… — Mindy Kaling
Comedy is just to me, maybe it's a natural knack, if I can see where the joke is in the writing and I can see… — Matt LeBlanc
I've made a lot of grown men cry with laughter, because I really am quite the joke. — Peta Wilson
Every comedian comes to a fork in the road where they have to decide if they're going to make jokes about other people or make… — Mike Birbiglia
Oh definitely. It'll be in a hot tub, with my entire head squeezed into a jet. The photos are going to be hilarious. Man, I… — Jason Sudeikis
You can write jokes at any point of the day. Jokes are not that hard to write, or they shouldn't be when it is literally… — John Oliver
People are always going to say stupid things, and you're always going to be able to make jokes about that, but it should be the… — John Oliver
You have to struggle a bit, hustle a little, and be willing to go bankrupt. Once you're willing to do that, everything opens up and… — Nick Nolte
I cannot tell a joke. But I can do a situation, that it becomes a joke. — Don Rickles
I was making my living from a joke about my appearance that I didn't understand, and in a way still don't, because when I look… — Wallace Shawn
We've got people looking at our seamy side and our sad side a lot of the time because that's easier. It's much more difficult to… — Emma Thompson

Who Wrote These Jokes Quotes

1,346 authors contributed a total of 2,488 Jokes Quotes, led by these top contributors: