Jokes Quotes

2488 Jokes quotes by 1346 unique authors

And the bigger the fall, the bigger the joke. It would be better fun to throw a custard pie at a bishop than at a… — George Orwell
My driver Kellie Frost and I would race these fellows home and they were always faster on the highway. We did the same with Daniel… — Madeleine Stowe
I'd come from the bottom of the barrel. Just Owen Hart getting out of the shadow of Bret Hart's little brother. Everyone figured, this is… — Owen Hart
A joke, even if it be a lame one, is nowhere so keenly relished or quickly applauded as in a murder trial. — Mark Twain
Everyone recognizes that's a joke because obviously the number and shape of the pieces doesn't affect the size of the pizza. And similarly, the stocks,… — Merton Miller
I do jokes about what's funny, and both sides are funny. — Mark Russell
She's different from the girls I'm used to dating. She doesn't get tired of my stories and jokes or expect me to start reading her… — Tim Tharp
You have more and more people coming into the tent with the creative guys [on Hollywood films]. You have marketing and concept testers, advertising people.… — James L. Brooks
Heard about the young deaf boy who used sign language-One day he told his mother a dirty joke and she washed his hands out with… — Red Skelton
Ed Woolard, his mentor on the Apple board, pressed Jobs for more than two years to drop the interim in front of his CEO title.… — Walter Isaacson
Stay out of the gutter in your conversation. Foul talk defiles the man who speaks it... Don't swear. Don't profane. Avoid so-called dirty jokes. Stay… — Gordon B. Hinckley
The stage, the screen, the novel, casual conversation, the street discussion, and too often the fireside intimacies are punctuated with blasphemy, to which may be… — Ezra Taft Benson
I love my babies so much that I could kiss them all day long..as a job. I could be a professional baby kisser. No joke. — Jessica Capshaw
Ah, the first rule of public speaking -- always start with a joke. — Jon Stewart
Musician jokes are a kind of joke that usually have to do with how much money someone makes. Musicians are always starving, so they're really… — Jackson Browne
On 'Lab Rats,' I read the script probably three or four times before we ever even do a table read because I want to be… — Billy Unger
Every time there's a cut in the action, we joke and dance around, there's show tunes and fart noises. — Darby Stanchfield
We are not evil. We don't harm or seduce people. We are not dangerous. We are ordinary people like you. We have families, jobs, hopes,… — Margot Adler
My father, the practical joker, did not care for practical jokes on himself; he did not encourage the practice in me. — Lincoln Steffens
WHEN YOU CANNOT JOKE ABOUT THE DARKNESS OF LIFE, THAT’S WHEN THE DARKNESS TAKES OVER. — Amanda Palmer
I would write 100 jokes a day. Most of them were terrible. But I just said, 'I'll write more than everybody else, and that's how… — Anthony Jeselnik
Levity is the lubricant of a crisis. We resort to jokes, pranks and good natured kidding to relieve tension, stress and boredom. — Wally Schirra
Comedians and Feminists are natural enemies. Because stereotypically speaking, feminists can't take a joke and comedians can't take criticism. — Louis C. K.
You can go your whole life and not need math or physics for a minute, but the ability to tell a joke is always handy. — Garrison Keillor
I like to crack the jokes now and again, but it's only because I struggle with math. — Tina Fey

Who Wrote These Jokes Quotes

1,346 authors contributed a total of 2,488 Jokes Quotes, led by these top contributors: