Jokes Quotes

2488 Jokes quotes by 1346 unique authors

I dont want to sound gloomy, but, at some point of your lives, every one of you will notice that you have in your life… — Christopher Lee
People always ask me about my makeout scenes with him [Tyler Posey]. We joke around a lot and are like, ‘Oh, that was a sloppy… — Crystal Reed
Sir Joh Bjelke-Petersen has been the Queensland premier the whole time we've been in Australia, and the state is a national joke for having a… — Unknown Author
Just because something makes you smile or laugh ... doesn't mean it's a joke. — David Rees
We suppose that could be considered a hedged position for the awards committee, one that would never occur in the hard sciences such as physics… — Seth Klarman
I lived that life for real, so to talk about it was like a joke, you know what I mean? — Tone-Loc
I was worried on a personal level because I wanted to be slightly taller than I am, ideally. But I've now accepted it. Basically, I… — Daniel Radcliffe
It just seems like right now we’re in a place where people are being witch-hunted for expressing an opinion. Even if it’s a lousy opinion… — Jim Norton
A rumor that followed me forever was that my family was in the mafia. For years I had to live with it. They'd call me… — Giuliana Rancic
You know what they're doing to your Constitution? They're making a joke out of your Constitution. Love's not in your court room. And God is… — Charles Manson
I think of a piece, and then people who are competent fabricate it. But lately I've started finger painting, which probably should be a joke… — Jenny Holzer
Have you ever lived in the suburbs? It's sterile. It's nothing. It's wasting your life, and people do not wish to waste their lives once… — Ed Koch
A nickname may be the best record of a success. That's what I call putting the face of a joke upon the body of a… — Joseph Conrad
The intention which is fixed on God as its only end will keep people steady in their purposes, and deliver them from being the joke… — Thomas a Kempis
I never knew what basketball was. I started playing on the playground. People used to laugh at me and joke at me because I was… — Patrick Ewing
The real joke that history played on American women is not the one that makes people snigger, with cheap Freudian sophistication, at the dead feminists.… — Betty Friedan
Jokes can be noble. Laughs are exactly as honorable as tears. Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion, to the futility of… — Kurt Vonnegut
What people who don't write don't understand is that they think you make up the line consciously — but you don't. It proceeds from your unconscious. So… — Woody Allen
It is a good deed to forget a poor joke — Brendan Behan
Cartooning is about deconstruction: you gotta tear something down to make a joke. — Berkeley Breathed
Because they're stupid, that's why. That's why everybody does everything. — Homer
You know boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like women. You just have to read the manual and press the right button. — Homer
You know those balls that they put on car antennas so you can find them in the parking lot? Those should be on every car! — Homer
Now what is a wedding? Well, Webster's dictionary describes a wedding as the process of removing weeds from one's garden. — Homer
I'm a white male, age 18 to 49. Everyone listens to me, no matter how dumb my suggestions are. — Homer

Who Wrote These Jokes Quotes

1,346 authors contributed a total of 2,488 Jokes Quotes, led by these top contributors: