Humorous Quotes

1582 Humorous quotes by 573 unique authors

I made myself platinum, but I was born a dirty blonde. — Mae West
If you appeal to the crowd, either by being humorous or brutal or eccentric, you gain favor. — Suzanne Collins
Cultivate," I said, "a sense of humor. From a humorous point of view this lunch is rather good. — Jerome K. Jerome
When you consider the opportunity and power He had to really do a job, and then look at the stupid, ugly little mess He made… — Joseph Heller
I can't even tell you what else I imagined. I can only humiliate myself to such a degree; at a certain point it becomes humorous,… — Heidi Julavits
The only real laughter comes from despair. — Groucho Marx
he's a genius, she's a genius, wow, you know alot of geniuses, you should meet some stupid people sometime, you might learn something — Woody Allen
She's so in love with me, she doesn't know anything. That's why she's in love with me. — Groucho Marx
Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings. — Robert Bloch
When you lead a life of scholarship you can't be bothered with the humorous realities, you know, tits, that kind of thing. — Harold Pinter
I love nature, I just don't want to get any of it on me. — Woody Allen
Women with pasts interest men because they hope history will repeat itself. — Mae West
Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet! — Groucho Marx
The humorous story is told gravely; the teller does his best to conceal the fact that he even dimly suspects that there is anything funny… — Mark Twain
Everyone smiles in the same language. — George Carlin
Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child who’s self-esteem is sufficient that he doesn’t need us… — George Carlin
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning? — George W. Bush
You've reached Fantasia, where the undead live again every night," "For bar hours, press one. To make a party reservation, press two. To talk to… — Charlaine Harris
Humor is also a way of saying something serious. — Thomas Stearns Eliot
Getting married is like trading in the adoration of many for the sarcasm of one. — Mae West
Sun is bad for you. Everything our parents said was good is bad. Sun, milk, red meat...college, — Woody Allen
Love is like a booger, you pick and pick at it. Then when you get it you wonder how to get rid of it. — Mae West
I never said it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it. — Mae West
Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo. — Groucho Marx
The only thing standing between me and greatness is me. — Woody Allen

Who Wrote These Humorous Quotes

573 authors contributed a total of 1,582 Humorous Quotes, led by these top contributors: