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Ground Quotes by Jack Handey
- If you're at a Thanksgiving dinner, but you don't like the stuffing or the cranberry sauce or anything else, just pretend like you're eating it,…
- Here's a good joke to do during an earthquake: straddle a big crack in the ground, and if it opened wider, go "Whoa! Whoa!" and…
- Too bad you can't just grab a tree by the very tip-top and bend it clear over the ground and then let her fly, because…
- I'd like to see a nature film where an eagle swoops down and pulls a fish out of a lake, and then maybe he's flying…
- I remember one day I was at Grandpa's farm and I asked him about sex. He sort of smiled and said, "Maybe instead of telling…
- Despair is like a cable that is buried just under the surface of the ground. You pull it up and pull it up, but that…
- I wish I could shrink down to the size of an ant. And maybe there would be thousands of other people shrunken down to ant-size,…
- Life, to me, is like a quiet forest pool, one that needs a direct hit from a big rock half-buried in the ground. You pull…
- I'd like to be buried Indian-style, where they put you up on a high rack, above the ground. That way, you could get hit by…
- I bet for an Indian, shooting an old fat pioneer woman in the back with an arrow, and she fires her shotgun into the ground…
More Ground Quotes
- The moral virtues, then, are produced in us neither by nature nor against nature. Nature, indeed, prepares in us the ground for… — Aristotle
- You can't put your feet on the ground until you've touched the sky. — Paul Auster
- I don't think of myself as a metafictional writer at all. I think of myself as a classic writer, a realist writer,… — Paul Auster
- As people flock to urban centers where ground space is limited, cities with green walls and roofs and skyscraper farms offer improved… — Diane Ackerman
- I had many friends to help me to fall; but as to rising again, I was so much left to myself, that… — Teresa of Avila
- A house must be built on solid foundations if it is to last. The same principle applies to man, otherwise he too… — Sai Baba
- The possibility of my presidential candidacy emerged spontaneously in public opinion polls. For my part, I noticed people's affection when I was… — Michelle Bachelet
- Unintelligent persons are like weeds that thrive in good ground; they love to be amused in proportion to the degree in which… — Honore de Balzac
- Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss. — Douglas Adams
- In order to fly, all one must do is simply miss the ground. — Douglas Adams
- Daisies are like sunshine to the ground. — Drew Barrymore
- To say that authority, whether secular or religious, supplies no ground for morality is not to deny the obvious fact that it… — Joseph Addison