« All Funny Quotes · Bill Maher's Page
Funny Quotes by Bill Maher
- Religion is detrimental to the progress of society.
- Which is why I'd like to tip off law enforcement to an even larger child-abusing religious cult. Its leader also has a compound. And this…
- Religion is bad, drugs are good.
- You are what you do. It's about actions.
- Denying racism is the new racism
- I'm not a joiner. I don't like organizations.
- Funny that all of Nixon's crimes - anonymous campaign cash, wiretapping, undeclared wars - are all legal now. Discuss.
- If you have a gun, you can rob a bank, but if you have a bank, you can rob everyone.
- Suicide is man's way of telling God, 'You can't fire me - I quit.'
- Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.
- Men are only as loyal as their options.
- We have the Bill of Rights. What we need is a Bill of Responsibilities.
- I think flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative. I think religion is a neurological disorder.
- Religion, to me, is a bureaucracy between man and God that I don't need.
- It's all been satirized for your protection.
- They're talking about banning cigarette smoking now in any place that's used by ten or more people in a week, which, I guess, means that…
- Can we go back to using Facebook for what it was originally for - looking up exes to see how fat they got?
- Bush gave an interview and he said people will vote for him because 'They've seen me weep, theyve seen me laugh, and theyve seen me…
- Today is 'Take our Daughters to Work Day.' This is when girls ages Nine to Fifteen go to work. Or, as it's called at the…
- Kids. They're not easy. But there has to be some penalty for sex.
- Janet Jackson's 'wardrobe malfunction' cost CBS Five hundred and Fifty grand this week. Boy, what a tough week for the network. First, the false documents…
- Atheism is a religion like abstinence is a sex position.
More Funny Quotes
- To be free in an age like ours, one must be in a position of authority. That in itself would be enough… — Hannah Arendt
- These are the fifties, you know. The disgusting, posturing fifties. — Hannah Arendt
- I'm literally open to any medium that will have me. — J. J. Abrams
- We must all make peace so that we can all live in peace. — Jean-Bertrand Aristide
- Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies. — Aristotle
- There is no great genius without a mixture of madness. — Aristotle
- I hope to make movies that are so small they don't need to make anything to be profitable. — J. J. Abrams
- I love recording music. — J. J. Abrams
- Hope is the dream of a waking man. — Aristotle
- Education is the best provision for old age. — Aristotle
- I've had the same friends since I was in kindergarten. — J. J. Abrams
- I also have this incredible love for women. — Kevyn Aucoin