Bill Maher Quotes

286 quotes in 3798 categories

• During the Depression, or back when we were fighting Hitler, people didn't have time to sue a company if the coffee was too hot. There…
• I always compare marriage to communism. They're both institutions that don't conform to human nature, so you're going to end up with lying and hypocrisy.
• Stop saying athletes do it for the love of the game. They do it for the love of their 32-room mansion with the live shark…
• Selling pot allowed me to get through college and make enough money to start off in comedy.
• New Rule: If an Evangelical tries to use Halloween to pimp Jesus to kids, they get to egg his house. On Halloween, the president of…
• I would describe my spirituality as exactly the opposite of having a religious affiliation.
• The problem is that the people with the most ridiculous ideas are always the people who are most certain of them.
• Religion is insanity by consensus.
• The plain fact is: religion must die for mankind to live.
• Faith means making a virtue out of not thinking. It's nothing to brag about; and those who preach faith and enable and elevate it are…
• This is why rational people - anti-religionists - must end their timidity and come out of their closet and assert themselves.
• If you have a few hundred followers and you let some of them molest children, they call you a cult leader. If you have a…
• I don't know anyone less Jesus like than Christians.
• The NRA made an ad saying that Obama is elitist because his kids have armed guards. Yeah, that crazy Obama thinking his kids need special…
• If the NRA keeps messing with the President's daughters, they're going to have to start worrying about Michelle Obama's guns.
• Rick Perry said Obama's suggestions for gun control disgust him. He said the real answer to this problem isn't laws, it's prayer. You know, i…
• Paul Revere was warning the British about gun control, and George Washington apparently was crossing the Delaware to bomb an abortion clinic.
• That's what American democracy has come down to at these town hall meetings: old people and gun nuts, which is a terrible combination. I heard…
• Hillary Clinton and Nancy Reagan have a lot in common - they're both smarter than their husbands and both consulted the stars for guidance, Nancy…
• A lot of people have warned President Clinton that Bosnia will turn into another Vietnam, which would be embarrassing for him because he'll have to…

Browse Bill Maher Quotes by Category