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- Selling pot allowed me to get through college and make enough money to start off in comedy.
- New Rule: If an Evangelical tries to use Halloween to pimp Jesus to kids, they get to egg his house. On Halloween, the president of…
- There is no debate here, just scientists and non-scientists. And since the subject is science, the non-scientists don't get a vote.
- Guns aren't just a tool of last resort. They're awesome. That's why people stroke them. And name them, and take pictures with them. You guys…
- Mitt Romney we think is going run again. He says he has no plans to run, but he said if he did run, this time…
- Mitt Romney, who is on record saying that he would not waste money going after bin Laden, and on record saying he would not violate…
- We learned this week that Mitt Romney is building a car elevator in his house. An elevator for your cars. I get the feeling this…
- What kind of tyrant punishes everyone just to get back at the few he's mad at? I mean, besides Chris Christie.
- If you want to get rich with a tax free enterprise that sells nothing, start a church.
- New Rule: Gay marriage won't lead to dog marriage. It is not a slippery slope to rampant inter-species coupling. When women got the right to…
- In ten Muslim countries you can get the death penalty just for being gay. If they were chopping the heads off of gay people in…
- If conservatives get to call universal healthcare 'socialized medicine,' I get to call private, for-profit healthcare 'soulless, vampire bastards making money off human pain.'
- When it comes to religion, we're not two sides of the same coin, and you don't get to put your unreason up on the same…
- Halloween is a day when we all get to fool people into thinking we're someone else. Or as Mitt Romney calls it, campaigning.
- Between Ron Paul and Rick Perry, I think the lesson is don't get sick in Texas.
- Well, I hate to tell youbut if you have a flu shot for more than five years in a row, there's ten times the likelihood…
- All marriages are same sex marriages. You get married and every night, it's the same sex.
- Freedom isn't free. It shouldn't be a bragging point that 'Oh, I don't get involved in politics,' as if that makes someone cleaner. No, that…
- Let's make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake - you know, to send the right message to…
- The jury could get the case as early as next week, but the defense says they just want to introduce one last-minute load of crap.
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- Whenever u get hurt from those people whom u love most don't blame them, fault is not their its your fault that… — Anurag Prakash Ray
- Throughout all of this confusion, I hope I somehow get to you. I practice all the things I'd say to tell you… — Superman
- Whenever I miss you. I just close my eyes and I see your smiling face and half of my problems automatically get… — Anurag Prakash Ray
- Having been a child actor, I remember how directors would trick me to get good performances out of me. I don't think… — Asia Argento
- Jealousy is both reasonable and belongs to reasonable men, while envy is base and belongs to the base, for the one makes… — Aristotle
- Most people would rather give than get affection. — Aristotle
- I never thought being obnoxious would get me where I am today. — Billie Joe Armstrong
- Flattery and deceit are the darlings of great men, and so with these men spread the butter on thick, if you want… — Pietro Aretino