All Bill Maher Quotes
- The answer isn't another pill. The answer is spinach Another Pill
- The NYPD must stop acting like the only thing black people do is run from them and shoot at them. Believe it or not there… Acting
- Clint Eastwood's speech was kind of a metaphor for the entire Republican Party: A confused old person yelling at something that doesn't exist. Clint
- In ten Muslim countries you can get the death penalty just for being gay. If they were chopping the heads off of gay people in… Among
- You are what you do. It's about actions. Action
- If conservatives get to call universal healthcare 'socialized medicine,' I get to call private, for-profit healthcare 'soulless, vampire bastards making money off human pain.' Bastards
- New Rule: Someone must x-ray my stomach to see if the Peeps I ate on Easter are still in there, intact and completely undigested. And… Ate
- If Jesus was a Jew, why did he have a Spanish name? Agnostic
- What is it with conservatives? Seriously, I'm not trying to be partisan but it seems like if they're anti-illegal alien, they have illegal aliens working… Alien
- When it comes to religion, we're not two sides of the same coin, and you don't get to put your unreason up on the same… Based
- The only thing I hate worse than prophecy is self-fulfilling prophecy Fulfilling
- The difference between a GOP convention and Comic-Con is that the people at Comic-Con have a much firmer grasp of reality. Comic
- New rule: Tulips aren't flowers. They're some kind of gay onion. Flower
- Greed can overtake smart. Greed
- The idea that men are from Mars and women are from Venus is a bunch of bullshit. Treat her like you would a friend, and… Bullshit
- As you go down the path of life, ask whats true. Not who else believes it. Ask
- To most Christians, the Bible is like a software license. Nobody actually reads it. They just scroll to the bottom and click 'I Agree'. Actually Reads
- To all conservative women out there: If you are so sure the embryo needed for stem cell research are precious human life that can't be… All
- Tea Party has now cost the Republicans 5 senate seats. My next donation is going to them. Cost
- Every asshole who ever chanted 'Drill baby drill' should have to report to the Gulf coast today for cleanup duty. Asshole