All Bill Maher Quotes
- During the Depression, or back when we were fighting Hitler, people didn't have time to sue a company if the coffee was too hot. There… Book
- I always compare marriage to communism. They're both institutions that don't conform to human nature, so you're going to end up with lying and hypocrisy. Always Compare
- Stop saying athletes do it for the love of the game. They do it for the love of their 32-room mansion with the live shark… Anna
- Selling pot allowed me to get through college and make enough money to start off in comedy. Allowed
- New Rule: If an Evangelical tries to use Halloween to pimp Jesus to kids, they get to egg his house. On Halloween, the president of… American
- I would describe my spirituality as exactly the opposite of having a religious affiliation. Affiliation
- The problem is that the people with the most ridiculous ideas are always the people who are most certain of them. Certain
- Religion is insanity by consensus. Atheism
- The plain fact is: religion must die for mankind to live. Atheism
- Faith means making a virtue out of not thinking. It's nothing to brag about; and those who preach faith and enable and elevate it are… Atheism
- This is why rational people - anti-religionists - must end their timidity and come out of their closet and assert themselves. Anti
- If you have a few hundred followers and you let some of them molest children, they call you a cult leader. If you have a… Atheism
- I don't know anyone less Jesus like than Christians. Anyone
- The NRA made an ad saying that Obama is elitist because his kids have armed guards. Yeah, that crazy Obama thinking his kids need special… Accusing
- If the NRA keeps messing with the President's daughters, they're going to have to start worrying about Michelle Obama's guns. Daughter
- Rick Perry said Obama's suggestions for gun control disgust him. He said the real answer to this problem isn't laws, it's prayer. You know, i… Answer
- Paul Revere was warning the British about gun control, and George Washington apparently was crossing the Delaware to bomb an abortion clinic. Abortion
- That's what American democracy has come down to at these town hall meetings: old people and gun nuts, which is a terrible combination. I heard… American
- Hillary Clinton and Nancy Reagan have a lot in common - they're both smarter than their husbands and both consulted the stars for guidance, Nancy… Astrology
- A lot of people have warned President Clinton that Bosnia will turn into another Vietnam, which would be embarrassing for him because he'll have to… Another Vietnam
- The Dalai Lama visited the White House and told the President that he could teach him to find a higher state of consciousness. Then after… Bush
- Republicans have become the party of red, white and blue rose colored glasses. By drowning out criticism with USA! USA!, they prevent this country from… Blue
- Jesus, as a philosopher is wonderful. There's no greater role model, in my view, than Jesus Christ. It's just a shame that most of the… Act
- Karl Rove described Obama as "the guy at the country club with the beautiful date, holding a martini, and making snide comments about everyone who… America
- God knows life sucks. It's right there in the Bible. The book of Job is all about Job asking God to take away pain and… All