All Bill Maher Quotes
- Kids. They're not easy, but there has to be some penalty for having sex. Easy
- I was watching Ashlee Simpson on Jay's show last night... She was really singing, and I was saying, 'Bring back the lip synch.' ...And it… Ashlee
- George Bush says, 'Gore's book needs a lot of explaining.' Of course, Bush says that about every book. Book
- Americans are gluttons. We shop with forklifts. We have a holiday where we stuff food into other food. Our strippers wrestle in Jell-O, where other… Americans
- Rick Santorum doesn't like sex. He doesn't like the pill. He really doesn't like condoms. He said if men are going to pull something on… Better
- Idiots must stop claiming that atheism is a religion. Religion is defined as the belief in and worship of a superhuman controlling power. And atheism… Abstinence
- When I hear from people that religion doesn't hurt anything, I say really? Well besides wars, the crusades, the inquisitions, 9-11, ethnic cleansing, the suppression… Afghanistan
- Do you think if it was the fairy tale about a man who lived inside of a whale and it was religion that Jack built… Adults
- I think that religion stops people from thinking. I think it justifies crazies. I think flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative. I… Adults
- Our mistakes from the past are just that: mistakes. And they were necessary to make in order to become the wiser person we became. Became
- When we make mistakes they call it evil Call
- Doctors said that the test most commonly used to screen for colon cancer doesn't go far enough. They're recommending a procedure that involves photographing the… Another Reality
- A Republican Congressman, Rep. Chris Lee, was caught flirting with a woman trolling for dates on Craigslist and sent her a shirtless photo of himself.… Age
- When did the business community in America become so sensitive? ... that we have to treat like some type of rare exotic animal - don't… America
- I find it ironic that Republicans have such disdain for the lazy, and yet their solution to every problem is do nothing. Their answer to… Answer
- The truth can be hard to take, but we have an obligation to look and see what's going on, and, if we don't like it,… Along
- You can't pray away global warming, and that's the difference between religious people and sane people. Difference
- The difference between the three Abrahamic religions: Christianity - mumbling to the ceiling, Judaism - mumbling to the wall, Islam - mumbling to the floor. Abrahamic
- In Europe, Socialism is just another political party. It just means that government takes over certain things like hospitals, prisons, military and schools that should… Another Political
- Down in Texas, Rick Perry announced he will not run for reelection. He said 'I executed one last woman, that fertilizer plant exploded, I returned… Abortion
- The answer isn't another pill. The answer is spinach Another Pill
- The NYPD must stop acting like the only thing black people do is run from them and shoot at them. Believe it or not there… Acting
- Clint Eastwood's speech was kind of a metaphor for the entire Republican Party: A confused old person yelling at something that doesn't exist. Clint
- In ten Muslim countries you can get the death penalty just for being gay. If they were chopping the heads off of gay people in… Among
- You are what you do. It's about actions. Action