All Bill Maher Quotes
- Treason is when legislators vote against homeland security measures because it goes against the wishes of their political or financial backers. Treason is the fact… Backers
- I'm not a joiner. I don't like organizations. Funny
- Funny that all of Nixon's crimes - anonymous campaign cash, wiretapping, undeclared wars - are all legal now. Discuss. All
- If you have a gun, you can rob a bank, but if you have a bank, you can rob everyone. Bank
- The whole dating ritual was different when I was a kid. Girls got pinned, not nailed. Dating
- Just honest. To me, being 'politically incorrect' means the opposite of being political -- which means to spin everything. That's all it's ever meant to… All
- The comedy gods are smiling on me tonight... Comedy
- Suicide is man's way of telling God, 'You can't fire me - I quit.' Awesome
- Freedom isn't free. It shouldn't be a bragging point that 'Oh, I don't get involved in politics,' as if that makes someone cleaner. No, that… Agreeable
- Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them. Anymore
- Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease. Disease
- We need more people speaking out. This country is not overrun with rebels and free thinkers. It's overrun with sheep and conformists. Conformist
- Men are only as loyal as their options. Funny
- Let's make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake - you know, to send the right message to… Birthdays
- Maybe every other American movie shouldn't be based on a comic book. Other countries will think Americans live in an infantile fantasy land where reality… American
- We are a nation that is unenlightened because of religion. I do believe that. I think religion stops people from thinking. I think it justified… Believe
- Let's face it; God has a big ego problem. Why do we always have to worship him? Big
- I think capital punishment works great. Every killer you kill never kills again. Advice
- To me a real patriot is like a real friend. Who's your real friend? It's the person who tells you the truth. That's who my… Country
- Whenever the people are for gay marriage or medical marijuana or assisted suicide, suddenly the 'will of the people' goes out the window. Assisted
- We have the Bill of Rights. What we need is a Bill of Responsibilities. Bill
- What Democratic congressmen do to their women staffers, Republican congressmen do to the country. Congressman
- The tea baggers. The one thing they hate is when you call them racist. The other thing they hate is black people. But they won't… Bagger
- I think flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative. I think religion is a neurological disorder. Atheism
- If you think you have it tough, read history books. Book