All Bill Maher Quotes
- New rule: If churches don't have to pay taxes, they also can't call the fire department when they catch fire. Sorry reverend, that's one of… Along
- Nowas you all know, this week, Pope Benedict told Vatican Radio—you know, Vatican Radio, playing the hits from the 8th century, 9th century and today—Benedict… All
- I hate religion. I think it's a neurological disorder. Disorder
- Which is why I'd like to tip off law enforcement to an even larger child-abusing religious cult. Its leader also has a compound. And this… Abusing
- Religion is bad, drugs are good. Bad
- It is appalling to make Jesus out of food! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go bake some communion wafers. Appalling
- I doubt anything will really come of this lawsuit. First of all, it's a lawsuit. It involves a subpoena. And try to find a Republican… All
- This party is just full of children, and someone needs to leave them in a hot car. Car
- We've created over 200,000 jobs every month this year. Hasn't happened in 17 years. I guess my first question is, when do the Republicans stop… Calling
- If it makes you feel any better we will be happy to attack a country that had nothing to do with it. Any
- I'm okay with it now that Obama’s in office. I'm kind of trusting of him. But President Ted Cruz? Where this is going would bother… Bother
- Based on every statement I’ve heard out of any Republican in the last two years, the Israelis are controlling our government. Any
- To those people who say, 'My father is alive because of animal experimentation,' I say, 'Yeah, well, good for you. This dog died so your… Alive
- Religion, it stops people from thinking because they think all the answers are in that one book; it impedes progress; it justifies crazy people. Flying… All
- Please stop assuming that longevity and perfect health is always the correct option. No. Sometimes fun costs ya. It just does, you know? And that's… Assuming
- If I thought the Lord was speaking to me I'd check myself into Bellevue, and I think you should too. Bellevue
- When people say to me, 'You hate America,' I don't hate America. I love America. I am just embarrassed that it has been taken over… America
- What I have against religion is that they start you when you are so defenseless. I mean, I was three when they started pumping this… All
- Ronald Reagan was an anti-government, union-busting, race baiting, anti-abortion, anti-gay, anti-intellectual, who cut rich people's taxes in half, had a incurable case of the military-industrial… Abortion
- North Carolina right now is going apeshit in a way no state ever has. Take every crazy, angry idea your drunk, right-wing uncle mumbles at… Angry
- Unemployment is down, confidence is up, DOW 5,000 above Bush - or as Republicans put it, let's talk about gay people and abortion! Abortion
- Republicans don't have to accept evolution, economics, climatology, or human sexuality, but I just watched a week of their national convention, and I need them… Accept
- The Senate decided they will be smoke-free. They ordained that all public areas in the Senate are now smoke-free. However, the senators themselves will still… All
- Atheism is a religion the way abstinence is a sex position. Abstinence
- New Rule: Gay marriage won't lead to dog marriage. It is not a slippery slope to rampant inter-species coupling. When women got the right to… All