All Bill Maher Quotes
- New Rule: This Valentine’s Day Americans must remember that politicians are like a box of chocolates. We bite into them to find out what's on… Americans
- A new biography came out that says that in high school Obama was a huge pothead … Mitt Romney had to respond to this and… Appalling
- Mitt Romney comes from a Mormon background. I don't know how many wives he has. I'm not saying that I believe in that, I'm just… Background
- Why did Mitt Romney strap his dog to the roof of his car? Could it be because his station wagon was full of wives? Car
- Mitt Romney, who is on record saying that he would not waste money going after bin Laden, and on record saying he would not violate… Bin
- That's what's so great about the Internet. It allows pompous blow-hards to connect with other pompous blow-hards in a vast circle-jerk of pomposity. Allows
- Newt Gingrich was campaigning at a zoo this week and he was bitten by a penguin. Newt Gingrich is always campaigning at zoos. Mitt Romney… Big
- New Jersey Mayor Corey Booker last night personally rescued a woman from a burning building. Or as Fox News reported it, 'black man loots house,… Black
- It's that time of year again, April 15, taxes. I know it's depressing, but just remember, you're paying for roads, bridges, hospitals, and an army… Afghanistan
- We learned this week that Mitt Romney is building a car elevator in his house. An elevator for your cars. I get the feeling this… Batman
- African American Congressman Bobby Rush wore a hoodie on the floor of Congress to make a point this week. And they threw him out. They… African
- March Madnesss...the only place where you hear 'Kansas is advancing.' Advancing
- That Mitt Romney, he is a master campaigner. This week he was introducing his wife, and he said, 'She is the heavyweight champion of my… Campaigner
- Romney, Gingrich, Santorum spent their week lecturing America about the morality of birth control. You know, you guys don't need birth control, you are birth… America
- Now that they've finished reading the Constitution out loud, the Teabaggers must call out that group of elitist liberals whose values are so antithetical to… Antithetical
- Republicans stand by their convictions. Stupid, ignorant, world-destroying convictions based on disproven economic fantasies and ancient books full of primitive morality and magic people. But… Ancient
- We had a national tragedy this week, and the President of the United States and Sarah Palin both made speeches on the same day. Obama… Both
- Rick Santorum has come out against contraception and against college. He wants us literally to be f**king stupid. College
- The Republicans released their 'Pledge to America.' It's 21 pages of phony charts and bad ideas. Sarah Palin got a copy, and she said, 'How… All
- Hey birthers, wanna hear my theory? My theory was that Obama was born in America and you were born with the umbilical cord around your… America