All Jay Leno Quotes
- A student at the University of Wisconsin in Madison spent 90 days technology free. He went without a cell phone, Facebook, Twitter, or any social… Any
- San Francisco hosted the first medical marijuana job fair. The keynote speech was titled, 'Jobs and How to Avoid Getting One.' Avoid
- Over 6 million people were evacuated from New Jersey ahead of the hurricane. And now, three of them have gone back. Ahead
- They had so much rain in New York that a lot of the cabbies had their first shower in years. Cabbies
- When you do late-night TV, you do different jokes in the same place every night. When you're on the road as a comedian, you do… Comedian
- We pick politicians by how they look on TV and Miss America on where she stands on the issues. Isn't that a little backwards? America
- Congress voted for tougher laws on corporations. So now when a corporation buys a senator, they need a receipt. Buys
- The United States have developed a new weapon that destroys people but it leaves buildings standing. It's called the stock market. Building
- A new study found that people who are depressed have a greater risk of stroke. Well that should cheer them up. Cheer
- As Miss America, my goal is to bring peace to the entire world and then get my own apartment. America
- Now, I have a Halloween mask I think you might get a kick out of. That's scary. Halloween
- President Obama said he is going to use the Gulf disaster to push a new energy bill through Congress. How about using the Gulf disaster… Bill
- Clinton's pet Labrador, Buddy, is getting neutered. The dog will never have sex again. Overnight, they've turned Buddy from a Democrat into a Republican. Buddy
- For the first time in history, sex is more dangerous than the cigarette afterward. Afterward
- You know what's sad about this? Not the gambling, but the best way to reach college athletes is the Cartoon Network. Athlete
- A survey says that American workers work the first three hours every day just to pay their taxes. So that's why we can't get anything… American
- President Bush spent the day calling names he couldn't pronounce in countries he never knew existed. Bush
- Thanksgiving, when the Indians said, "Well, this has been fun, but we know you have a long voyage back to England". Been
- Today is February 14th - St. Valentine's day. Women call it Love day, while men name it as Extortion day. Call
- A new poll shows that Americans now believe that Bill Clinton is more honest than President Bush. At least when Clinton screwed the nation, he… Americans
- Bill Maher and I are on against each other, and we're friends. He can do my show any time he wants, and I've done Politically… Adversarial
- Researchers at Harvard say that taking a power nap for an hour in the afternoon can totally refresh you. They say that by the time… Able
- Marriage is grand. Divorce is about twenty grand. Divorce
- McDonald's announced that it's considering a more humane way of slaughtering its animals. You know they fatten them up and then kill them. You know… Animal
- Women get a little more excited about New Year's Eve than men do. It's like an excuse: you drink too much, you make a lot… Breaking