All Jay Leno Quotes
- President Obama has begun a three-state bus tour. I believe the three states are: Confusion, Delusion, and Desperation. Begun
- Thanksgiving began in 1621 when Native Americans sat down with a bunch of undocumented pilgrims. They had dinner and the pilgrims never left. Americans
- You know what you call the two winners of that $580 million PowerBall lottery? ... Former Democrats Call
- President Obama flew to a rally in Las Vegas last night. However, he did not visit any of the casinos. You know why? When you're… Any
- Well, 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' is back - not for gays in the military. It's President Obama's new policy for questions about Libya. Don't ask,… Ask
- Chris Christie won by such a wide margin that pundits say this will give him the impetus he needs to run for president. And he's… Chris
- Yesterday all five living presidents gathered for the opening of the George W. Bush presidential library in Dallas. Well, six living presidents if you count… All
- President Obama was in India yesterday visiting our jobs. Tomorrow he goes to China to visit our money. China
- We're heading for a gov. shutdown. This is serious. W/o the gov who will fail to inspect our airplanes? Who will fail to secure our… Airplane
- President Obama is coming under criticism now for not meeting with his jobs council. He hasn't met with his jobs council in over six months.… All
- One of President Obama's winning points last night was about how sanctions against Iran are crippling their economy. And believe me, if anyone knows how… Anyone
- According to The New York Times, more than half of President Obama's Twitter followers are fake. They don't even exist. Which is actually a good… According
- The White House is now urging Americans not to 'read too much' into last week's jobs report. In fact, they said it would be best… All
- Yesterday morning Facebook was temporarily offline, leaving millions of workers unable to do anything except their jobs. Anything Except
- In Greece, the unemployment rate has risen to 22%. The solution to the problem was to raise taxes on the rich, according to the Greek… According
- President Obama signed a bill preventing members of Congress from profiting from insider trading. Didn't you think that was already illegal? Bill
- Oh, here's your tax dollars at work. This is what makes people furious. The head of the GSA, a woman named Martha Johnson, has resigned… China
- The FCC is considering lifting the ban on cellphone calls on planes. The good news is you'll be able to make calls during your flight.… Able
- Texas governor Rick Perry said God is calling on him to run for President. But Michele Bachmann said that god is calling on her to… Bachmann
- The IRS says it's been getting death threats since the health care bill passed because the IRS is going to be the ones in charge… Ability