All Jay Leno Quotes
- The crime problem in New York is getting really serious. The other day the Statue of Liberty had both hands up. Both
- The worst thing about losing this job: I’m no longer covered by NBC. I have to sign up for ObamaCare. Covered
- It's casual Friday, which means that at the White House, they're casually going through everybody's phone calls and records. Calls
- Fox News has changed its slogan from 'Fair and Balanced' to 'See, I told you so!' Balanced
- Really? Anyone intimidated by Barack Obama? He can't even keep Joe Biden in line. Anyone
- These White House scandals are not going away anytime soon. People in Kenya are now saying he's 100 percent American. That's how bad it's gotten. American
- The first lady said about her husband, 'I could take up a whole afternoon talking about his failures.' And today she was offered her own… Afternoon
- In business news, chocolate maker nestle is buying Jenny Craig. Well, that says it all you need to know about the war on obesity, doesn't… All
- According to the British Journal of Psychiatry, marijuana can cause panic attacks. I don't know . . . The only time I have ever seen… According
- Sen. Joe Biden, on the day of announcing his candidacy for president of the United States, called Barack Obama the first mainstream African-American who is… African
- Stephen Hawking is getting a divorce. That's scary. If the smartest guy in the world can't figure out women, we're screwed. Divorce
- CNN said that after the war, there is a plan to divide Iraq into three parts: regular, premium and unleaded. Cnn
- In his speech last night, John Kerry said this was the beginning of the end of the Bush administration. I agree. Sure, it may take… Administration
- Big scandal on the new 'Survivor' series. The white, the black and the Hispanic teams were caught cheating off the Asian team. Asian
- There's this big pie in show business, and you physically can't eat the whole pie. If you give everybody a slice of pie, you will… Big
- The hot gossip in Washington is that Condoleezza Rice might have a new boyfriend. Secretary of State Rice is being linked to Canada's Foreign Minister,… Awkward
- General Colin Powell shocked a lot of people in Washington by speaking out against President Bush's policies, saying that the world is beginning to doubt… Bases
- Hillary Clinton's opponent in the U.S. Senate race, the Republican she's going to be running against, has been married three times, had an affair with… Affair
- Astronomers have discovered a planet that is twice the size of earth and made of diamonds. President Obama says the planet may be inhabited by… Aliens
- A fitness instructor in Maine has been charged with running a prostitution business out of her Zumba dance studio. Authorities first got suspicious when they… Authorities
- Anthony Weiner and his wife, Huma, have given birth to a baby boy. He posted a photo of the new baby on Twitter, but people… Afraid
- A survey released today found that men spend twice as much on their mistresses for Christmas as they do on their wives. On the other… All
- As they do every year, al-Qaida has threatened to disrupt and ruin Christmas. You know, we already have a group that disrupts and ruins Christmas… Al
- The FDA is now warning people not to eat raw cookie dough this holiday season. Is that how fat we're getting in this country? Our… Cookie
- When Rick Perry was told about Kim Jong Il, he said, 'I never heard of him, but then again, I don't listen to that rap.' Heard