Jay Leno Quotes

325 quotes in 3904 categories

• I wanted to have a career in sports when I was young, but I had to give up the idea. I'm only six feet tall,…
• This problem with illegal immigration is nothing new. In fact, the Indians had a special name for it. They called it "white people."
• Ambition beats genius 99% of the time
• Ashcroft went on to say that our way of life is being threatened by a group of radical religious fanatics who are armed and dangerous.…
• When President Chirac gave [President] Bush a souvenir statue of the Eiffel Tower... Bush said 'This is great! A little oil rig!'
• The Senate is now considering increasing government subsidies for corn growers to produce more ethanol. If we produce enough ethanol we can postpone our next…
• As we head to war with Iraq, President Bush wants to make one thing clear: This war is not about oil. It's about gasoline.
• According to a survey in this week's Time magazine, 85% of Americans think global warming is happening. The other 15% work for the White House.
• You know what they say when a supermodel gets pregnant? Now she's eating for one.
• According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about women is their eyes. And women say the first thing they notice…
• How would it be if we discovered that aliens only stopped by earth to let their kids take a leak?
• Republicans are calling the Bush-Cheney ticket the 'Wizard of Oz' ticket. One needs a heart and the other needs a brain.
• A Christmas tree--the perfect gift for a guy. The plant is already dead.
• The Senate voted 97-0 for an anti-spam bill to stop those annoying things you get on your computer. The senators made it very clear that…
• As you may have heard, the U.S. is putting together a constitution for Iraq. Why don't we just give them ours? Think about it -…
• Form 1040 was chosen by the IRS because for every $50 you earn, you get 10 and they get 40.
• Thousands of dead fish have now washed up on shore along the coast of South Carolina. Today the NRA said that this wouldn't have happened…
• I feel bad for people who die on Valentine's Day. How much would flowers cost then, ten grand?
• Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are? Wall Street is now being called Wall Mart Street
• According to a new UN report, the global warming outlook is much worse than originally predicted. Which is pretty bad, when they originally predicted it…

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