Jay Leno Quotes

325 quotes in 3904 categories

• According to USA Today, 74 percent of Americans plan to hand out candy this Halloween. Although President Obama thinks it should be just the top…
• Worried about an IRS audit? Avoid what's called a red flag. That's something the IRS always looks for. For example, say you have some money…
• Saddam Hussein also challenged President Bush to a debate. The Butcher of Baghdad vs. the Butcher of the English language.
• If you think of life as like a big pie, you can try to hold the whole pie and kill yourself trying to keep it,…
• Climate experts say we should tell villagers in developing countries to reduce the amount of cooking smoke they generate to help fix global warming. You…
• The report on climate change said that humans are very likely making the planet warmer. To which Hillary Clinton said, 'Hey, can't blame me for…
• Former Vice President Al Gore starring in a new documentary about global warming. I believe it's called [Leno snores]. ... The film actually features Al…
• President Bush said global warming is happening much quicker than he thought, and then his staff pulled him aside and said 'It's just springtime.'
• Arnold Schwarzenegger is blaming man for global warming. And today, Al Gore agreed with him. That's so typical. Two cyborgs, 'Oh, let's blame the humans.'
• Al Gore is coming out with a movie about global warming called ' An Inconvenient Truth. ' It's described as a detailed scientific view of…
• According to Time magazine, global warming is 33% worse than we thought. You know what that means? Al Gore is one-third more annoying than we…
• They say if the warming trend continues, by 2015 Hillary Clinton might actually thaw out.
• At a press conference yesterday NASA announced that 2005 was the hottest year on record. It is so hot, and global warming is so bad,…
• Heating bills this winter are the highest they've been in five years, but President Bush has a plan to combat rising bills. It's called global…
• Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime. Teach…
• First there's the promise ring, then the engagement ring, then the wedding ring... soon after... comes Suffer...ring!
• I like cars that are ahead of their times, and that were noble failures because they were built to a higher standard than the consumer…
• Corporations complained about [safety] regulations, but let's face it, people walk away from accidents now that would have killed them when I was a kid
• I believe engineers will save the world.
• I was born the day I got my license. When I was a kid, if I wanted to go somewhere and see things, you have…

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