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Today Quotes by Jay Leno
- Thousands of dead fish have now washed up on shore along the coast of South Carolina. Today the NRA said that this wouldn't have happened…
- According to USA Today, 74 percent of Americans plan to hand out candy this Halloween. Although President Obama thinks it should be just the top…
- Arnold Schwarzenegger is blaming man for global warming. And today, Al Gore agreed with him. That's so typical. Two cyborgs, 'Oh, let's blame the humans.'
- At a press conference yesterday NASA announced that 2005 was the hottest year on record. It is so hot, and global warming is so bad,…
- Today, you get better performance from a Ford Focus than a Ferrari from the mid-70s. [The Focus] is just as fast and with better fuel…
- The first lady said about her husband, 'I could take up a whole afternoon talking about his failures.' And today she was offered her own…
- The hot gossip in Washington is that Condoleezza Rice might have a new boyfriend. Secretary of State Rice is being linked to Canada's Foreign Minister,…
- A survey released today found that men spend twice as much on their mistresses for Christmas as they do on their wives. On the other…
- Today is February 14th - St. Valentine's day. Women call it Love day, while men name it as Extortion day.
- A hiker who was lost in a blizzard said he stayed alive by digging a snow tunnel and burning dollar bills for warmth. Today he…
- Today is April 1, April Fools' Day, a day that people try to fool their friends and relatives. Don't confuse that with April 15, when…
- President Obama announced this week that he is going to start sending out his own messages personally on Twitter. And today Anthony Weiner said, “It’s…
- The IRS said today anyone with a refund coming from their 2001 taxes will lose it if they don't pick it up by April 15th.…
- A dead body was discovered this week on the grounds of a country estate owned by Queen Elizabeth. The queen said today she hopes this…
- President Obama was in Disney World today where he unveiled his new plan to create jobs. He was joined by Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse…
- Barack Obama said today that politics has become too gummed up by money and influence ... and then he had to leave to attend a…
- In a speech earlier today President Bush said if Iraq gets rid of Saddam Hussein, he will help the Iraqi people with food, medicine, supplies,…
- Vice President Joe Biden said today that 'Syria must be held accountable.' Unfortunately, the Obama administration has never employed an accountant, so they have no…
- They say that most airline seats on planes today are meant for 170-pound passengers. The last time the average American weighed 170 pounds, the Wright…
- It is day two of the Democratic convention, and apparently they had a huge lighting problem in the convention hall today. They worked all day…
More Today Quotes
- There Is No Value Of What You Did In Past, Show Your Best Part Today. Everyone Wants To Read Today's Newspaper Coz… — Ritu Ghatourey
- As far as we are concerned, we are ready to leave today, tomorrow, at any time, to join the people of Haiti,… — Jean-Bertrand Aristide
- I never thought being obnoxious would get me where I am today. — Billie Joe Armstrong
- Boxing gave me the opportunities to grow into the person that I am today. — Alexis Arguello
- The spirit of Ubuntu, that once led Haiti to emerge as the first independent black nation in 1804, helped Venezuela, Colombia and… — Jean-Bertrand Aristide
- There Is No Value Of What You Did In Past, Show ur Best Part Today. Bcoz Everyone Wants To Read Today's Newspaper… — Ritzy
- For all the noise and anger that too often surrounds the immigration debate, America has nothing to fear from today's immigrants. They… — Barack Obama
- In communist society, where nobody has one exclusive sphere of activity but each can become accomplished in any branch he wishes, society… — Karl Marx