Jay Leno Quotes

325 quotes in 3904 categories

• If Jay spent as much time studying as he does trying to be a comedian, he'd be a big star.
• A Canadian psychologist is selling a video that teaches you how to test your dog's IQ. Here's how it works: if you spend $12.99 for…
• According to a recent study, ten percent of 'Star Trek' fans meet the psychological criteria for addiction. Deprived of their favourite show, some Trekkies disply…
• According to a new survey, 90% of men say their lover is also their best friend. Which is really kind of disturbing when you consider…
• Here is a very inexpensive costume idea. Wear a re-elect Obama button and go out as a journalist.
• When Clinton said he was going to create 8 million new jobs, I didn't think they were all going to be tax collectors.
• I'm trying to sum up President Obama's first 11 months in office. He gave billions to Wall Street, cracked down on illegal immigrants getting health…
• In a groundbreaking move, the Associated Press, the largest news-gathering organization in the World, will no longer use the term 'illegal immigrant'. They will now…
• I've never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don't listen, they don't come in when you call, they like to stay out…
• A hiker who was lost in a blizzard said he stayed alive by digging a snow tunnel and burning dollar bills for warmth. Today he…
• According to government auditors, the stimulus money is being held up because there aren't enough government workers to oversee the spending. So follow me, in…
• Donald Trump says he’s President Obama’s worst nightmare. That’s not true. Having to make a decision is Obama’s worst nightmare.
• A top geneticist at Stanford says human intelligence is declining. You know what that means? We are seeing Congress at its smartest and most effective…
• Today is April 1, April Fools' Day, a day that people try to fool their friends and relatives. Don't confuse that with April 15, when…
• We live in what's called an open society, which of course means they open our emails, open our phone records, and open our medical records.
• President Obama told the Irish people that America will always stand by them, to which Israel laughed.
• Romney raised $10 million. That’s a dollar for every position he’s had on healthcare.
• Saddam Hussein is dead, and Osama bin Laden is dead. If you’re Moammar Gadhafi, living in exile is starting to sound really good.
• The United States is sending its most powerful drone to Libya. That’s a long trip for Joe Biden.
• Ex-convicts prepared the eggs for the White House’s Easter Egg Roll. It’s nice to see the White House reaching out to former members of Congress.

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