All Jay Leno Quotes
- The games haven't even started yet and already there are people complaining about the horrible accommodations at the Sochi Olympic village. Toilets don't flush. The… Accommodations
- The Olympics start on Friday, and Russia is implementing the most intensive security in Olympics history. During the games, the government will monitor every email,… Bad
- Sixty years ago this week Hitler invaded Poland. This led to the creation of The History Channel. Ago
- Diet Coke with lemon - didn't that used to be called Pledge? Called
- In California, 50 women protested the impending war with Iraq by lying on the ground naked and spelling out the word peace. Right idea, wrong… California
- In a speech earlier today President Bush said if Iraq gets rid of Saddam Hussein, he will help the Iraqi people with food, medicine, supplies,… Agenda
- At the Sharper Image store, I saw a body fat analyzer. Didn't that used to be called a mirror? Analyzer
- Your preoccupation should be on doing what you do as well as you can. Inspirational
- The Mayans have predicted the world is supposed to end on December 21. If the world doesn't end on December 21, you can bet the… Bet
- Before we give the government any more money, show us some receipts. Any
- If President Obama really wants to hurt the Syrian government, don't send cruise missiles. He should send over some of his economic advisers. Advisers
- A lot of controversy over this possible invasion of Iraq. In fact, Nelson Mandela was so upset, he called Bush's dad. How embarrassing, when world… Called
- Vice President Joe Biden said today that 'Syria must be held accountable.' Unfortunately, the Obama administration has never employed an accountant, so they have no… Accountable
- They say that most airline seats on planes today are meant for 170-pound passengers. The last time the average American weighed 170 pounds, the Wright… Airline
- It is day two of the Democratic convention, and apparently they had a huge lighting problem in the convention hall today. They worked all day… All
- The White House softball team played the pro-marijuana lobbyists' team and lost 25-3. Still no word yet on which side President Obama played for. House
- A new study says that working fewer hours can slow global warming. So you know what that means? President Obama's economic policy is also his… Change
- I'm glad the government has shut down. Think about it, for the first time in years it's safe to talk on the phone and send… Anybody
- All I ask is that you tip your waiters and waitresses. We have to turn this situation around. All
- When did the government become our psycho ex-girlfriend Ex