All Jay Leno Quotes
- In America, we like everyone to know about the good work we're doing anonymously. America
- My stockbroker asked me something important today: paper or plastic? Asked
- The Bush administration said today there is a lot of support for us to attack Iraq. Exxon, Mobil, Texaco, Chevron, they're all lining up. Administration
- The Pentagon still has not given a name to the Iraqi war. Somehow 'Operation Re-elect Bush' doesn't seem to be popular. Bush
- Al Jazeera aired a new tape of Osama bin Laden. It was the usual stuff, he called Bush evil, the Great Satan, called him a… Aired
- Now, today is the day we honor, of course, the Presidents, ranging from George Washington, who couldn't tell a lie, to George Bush, who couldn't… Bill
- According to New York publishers, Bill Clinton will get more money for his book than Hillary Clinton got for hers. Well, duh. At least his… According
- Magic Johnson, former basketball player, may run for mayor of L.A. in the next election. Remember the good 'ol days when only qualified people ran… Actor
- Nineteen percent of doctors say that they'd be able to give their patients a lethal injection. But they also went on to say that the… Able
- Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends at… Begins
- More coming out about Saddam Hussein. We now know he takes Viagra and he has as many as six mistresses. No wonder Congress is reluctant… Action
- Today, one year after their divorce, Pamela and Tommy Lee announced they're getting back together. You know what that means? There's still hope for Ike… Announced
- With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat… Allegiance
- It is said that life begins when the fetus can exist apart from its mother. By this definition, many people in Hollywood are legally dead. Apart
- Bob Dole revealed he is one of the test subjects for Viagra. He said on Larry King, 'I wish I had bought stock in it.'… Best
- Go through your phone book, call people and ask them to drive you to the airport. The ones who will drive you are your true… Acquaintance
- New Year's Eve, where auld acquaintance be forgot. Unless, of course, those tests come back positive. Acquaintance
- Forty million Americans smoked marijuana; the only ones who didn’t like it were Judge Ginsberg, Clarence Thomas and Bill Clinton. Americans
- Soup is just a way of screwing you out of a meal. Food
- Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average. Which means you've met your New Year's resolution. America