All Jay Leno Quotes
- You can't stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh. Laugh
- Scientists are complaining that the new dinosaur movie shows dinosaurs with lemurs, who didn't evolve for another million years. They're afraid the movie will give… Afraid
- If you're a car salesman, and someone says "This is a terrible car, I'm not buying it," it doesn't mean they hate you. They just… Act
- Here at work, obviously, I make the most money of anyone on the show, so I try to be the first one here and the… Anyone
- The best way to ruin a comedy is to throw a lot of money at it. Best
- Now see, a lot of critics are saying Arnold can't get elected because he's just an ambitious guy with a famous name, who doesn't know… Ambitious
- President Clinton, this guy is sharp. Boy, he gave Hillary the most romantic Valentine's gift today, a huge rose garden. Where would he get that? Boy
- President Bush said this Iraq situation looks like 'the rerun of a bad movie.' Well sure, there's a Bush in the White House, the economy's… Bad
- My wife is going to kill me. But you look like my wife, so that's Ok! Funny
- The New England Jornal of Medicine reports that nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot. Agree
- Big news on CNN, a search has uncovered illegal biochemical agents, toxins and other dangerous substances. Not in Iraq, in Rush Limbaugh's medicine cabinet. Agents
- A Minneapolis company has come out with a credit card size shotgun that fits in your wallet. The inventor says he invented it to give… Card
- NBC - no body cares. Body
- Bush said today he is being stalked. He said wherever he goes, people are following him. Finally, someone told him, 'Psst. That's the Secret Service.' Bush
- The University of Ilinois has hired 15 women to smell pig manure all day so that researchers can find out what makes pig manure smell… All
- Magic Johnson, former basketball player, may run for mayor of LA in the next election. Remember the good 'ol days when only qualified people ran… Actors
- You know what they should call this war - Son of Bush vs. Son of a Bitch. Bitch
- At his wife's 60th birthday party in Jackson Hole, Wyoming, Dick Cheney had a huge steak and battered onion rings for dinner. Afterward he met… Afterward
- President Bush played golf yesterday and I understand Vice President Dick Cheney also got in a couple of strokes. Bush
- Al Gore has found a new job. He is going to teach journalism at Columbia University, which is ironic isn't it? The guy who did… Al