All Jay Leno Quotes
- The key to a long and healthy marriage is that, honestly, there's nothing worth fighting about. Fighting
- Show business pays you a lot of money because eventually you’re gonna get screwed. Business
- You've got Bush and Gore headed to the Supreme Court. You've got George W. Bush's intelligence will be pitted against Al Gore's honesty. This is… Al
- It's fun when you're driving, and people wave at you, and you wave back. I think you either like people or you don't. I mean,… Business
- I saw something stupid in the paper today. A new alarm clock that makes no noise. It's for people who don't like loud noises. Instead,… Alarm
- I understand the chairman of the Senate Ethics comittee is going to examine the check-bouncing scandal with a microscope. ...makes sense... If you're going to… Bouncing
- President Obama gave a big speech on climate change. He believes global warming is getting worse because apparently he's sweating a lot more during his… Apparently
- One of the interpreters hired by CBS for the Dan Rather/Saddam Hussein interview adopted a phony Arabic accent. You know, maybe CBS should have hired… Accent
- L.A.'s large convenience stores are so big they can accommodate up to twenty armed robbers at one time. Accommodate
- Isn't this amazing? Clinton is getting $8M for his memoir, Hillary got $8M for her memoir. That is $16M for two people who for eight… Amazing
- My wife loves Europe, but to me it's a bad day at a theme park. Bad
- The reigning Miss Canada has been arrested for punching out another woman in a bar fight.Quite frankly, I think it's refreshing to finally find one… Another Woman
- Saddam Hussein has invited members from the U.S. Congress to visit Iraq. Man how stupid is Hussein? If you think Bush had incentive to bomb… Bomb
- You know who must be very secure in their masculinity? Male ladybugs. Ladybugs
- There is a penalty for trying to knock down a cockpit door, but it's the people who try to go from coach to 1st class… Beat
- Of course with John McCain out of the race, George W. Bush has to pick a running mate. Which is kind of a scary proposition… Bush
- Yesterday, Saddam Hussein got 100 percent of the vote. Well, that's according to Saddam's campaign manager, Jeb Hussein. According
- Twenty-one years ago today Saddam Hussein was first elected president of Iraq and he has been re-elected ever since. Apparently they have the same electoral… Ago
- President Bush and Bill Clinton both agree that cloning is morally wrong. Clinton said that he thinks humans should be made the old-fashioned way -… Agree
- The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three… Any