“You are getting a wooden leg for your birthday, and you are going to love it. Incidentally, this means removing your leg… — Jarod Kintz Birthday Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to unite two long-lost brothers. They’ve been apart for six inches, and that’s entirely too long, and… — Jarod Kintz Lost brother Copy Share Image
“My love is like hooray! Special terms and conditions may apply. See dealer for details. Coupon not valid with any other offer.” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to remind me of her. I mean everything else reminds me of her, so why not a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I refuse to answer the phone, especially when it’s not questioning (ringing).” — Jarod Kintz Answer The Phone Copy Share Image
“Love isn’t measured in feet and miles, it’s measured in hands and hands on. (Yesterday at 3:33 pm I spoke to the… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“If yes is the new no, no is the new maybe, and maybe is the new yes, then my answer is definitely… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I have a problem. I wouldn’t say I’m in a pickle. More like a vinegarized cucumber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I make love like a brick could be used as toilet paper. Sure, it’s rough, but I thought you liked that shit. ” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“When red fights with white, pink is always the winner. Let that be a lesson in love.” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“I wish I could flush down my fears, but I can’t, because they’d clog up the toilet. Ah, but that’s life, no?” — Jarod Kintz Fear Copy Share Image
“He left then reappeared 15 seconds later, so I said, “Did you have a good nap?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“He’s not my son, but his last name is Myson. Same spelling, big difference.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“He wasn’t a Have, and he wasn’t a Have Not. He was a midget, so he was a shorter Haven’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick and a blanket could be used to replace the words yes and no. But which is witch? You’ll have to… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“You get used to success and you start to expect it—and that’s when you fail. Luckily for me, I can’t possibly fail,… — Jarod Kintz Success Copy Share Image
“A sample may taste better than the whole, because it’s meant for a taste test, which is perceptually expected to garner favorable… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“The birds bark my name, and I meow theirs in return. I may be a bit mixed up about life, but not… — Jarod Kintz Life Copy Share Image
“I want to create a word that means “There’s probably a word for that,” but there’s probably a word for that.” — Jarod Kintz Creativity Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make all your dreams come true. Well, not all of them. Just the ones that are… — Jarod Kintz Dreams Copy Share Image
“Toilet bowl basins need to be deeper, because every time I sit down my penis clogs the pipe.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m very proud of my body of work. You should see it naked sometime.” — Jarod Kintz Work Copy Share Image
